How To Funnel A Beer

Almost all kids learn how to funnel a beer in high school or college. It is a fact of life.  Even if you are not a fan of funneling (as this writer is) and prefer to drink your beer in large quantities over the course of a whole night to obtain a more pleasant drunk, you will learn how to funnel a beer at some point in your high school or college career. Just like anything else, funneling a beer will take practice before it becomes second nature to you should you choose to drink your beer that way.  There are just a few basic steps you need to follow:

1. Obtain a funnel. Obviously, you will need an actual beer funnel to funnel a beer.  The standard beer funnel is made up of a plastic funnel with a PVC or plastic tube attached to it. Most funnels usually have a clamp at the point where the tube is connected to the funnel piece, if not, make sure to kink the tube when pouring the beer in.

2. Pour the beer in the funnel. Make sure that the funnel is either clamped or that the tube is kinked to prevent the beer from flowing right out of the funnel tube. Proceed to pour the beer slowly and evenly into the cone of the funnel as if you were pouring a beer into a glass, this will help prevent too much foam from developing in the funnel. Once you have poured the beer, make sure to let it settle so that there is no foam in the funnel at all.

3. Release the valve. Now that the beer has completely settled, hold the funnel tube so that the exit hole is pointing vertically upwards.  Then, release the valve and allow the beer to flow into the funnel tube. Make sure once again that there is no foam and then plug the exit hole of the funnel tube to prepare for funneling.

4. The funnel. When its time to funnel, get down on one knee and raise the funnel as high above your head as possible.  Unplug the exit hole of the funnel and allow the beer to flow into your mouth.  When funneling, do not suck the beer out of the tube, let the beer flow down your throat and into your stomach.  Make sure to take gulps to help the beer down, but again do not suck. Once you have emptied the funnel, you are done and well on your way to a good buzz/drunk.

These four steps constitute the basis of how to funnel a beer.  When funneling, it is always helpful to have the funnel raised as high as possible, which is why many people prefer to funnel off the top of a deck, the second floor of a home, the top bunk of a dorm room, or from the roof of a car.  Obviously the choice of how to funnel is yours, as well as funneling in general.


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