How to Get Groupies

Because every guy fantasizes about multitudes of hot sleazy women falling at their feet, let’s talk about how to get groupies, even if you’re not a rock star. It’s probably not nearly as difficult as you may think it is to attract those shallow hotties and have them throwing themselves at you. Even if you lack any musical talent whatsoever and have never set foot on a stage, a little bit of bullshit goes a long way with a girl who only cares about the glamour. So if you are willing to get a little sneaky and underhanded, you’ll be able to get groupies of your own with ease.

  1. Spice up your image – If you want to get groupies, the first thing you want to do is look like a rock star. It doesn’t even matter what type of rock star. They don’t care. They are groupies who only care about your popularity and image. Get dreadlocks, a Mohawk, temporary tattoos, whatever. Just look like someone flashy and there’s your image.
  2. Carry musician’s accessories – Everywhere you go, carry a pair of drumsticks in your back pocket or a guitar case over your shoulder. It doesn’t even have to contain a guitar! As long as you don’t open it that is. These simple accessories are sure to get groupies’ attention without you having to say a word.
  3. Imply that you are a popular musician – Another way to subtly get groupies to take notice of you is to drop subtle, or even silent, hints. Hang around a music club or store reading (or pretending to read) musician’s magazines or browsing music equipment. With your new fashion statement goin’ on, some shallow-minded lusty is bound to come along and ask what band you’re in. Then you make one up.
  4. Create a bogus “band web site” – Now if you really want to go all the way and take things to the max, this sneaky strategy to get groupies is nearly foolproof. Create a web site with numerous photos of your alter ego “performing”. You can even upload music to the page that may appear to be yours for that matter. That trick is golden groupie lure – for sure. Add a few pictures of yourself from your favorite Chinese restaurant, Irish pubs, or other ethnic establishments and credit them to your recent “world tour”.

Well guys, there ya' go! If you can't get groupies using those fine techniques, then it's time to take some music lessons.

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