Learning how to get over hot ex-girlfriends, or heck, any girl that touched your penis is a reality you will one day face. That is why it is called dating and not mating. There are several approaches to the girlfriend purge, but each case is unique. Like is she screwing your friend? Did you realize she was The One too late? Are you a creepy stalker? Regardless, the best thing for your soul is to get over her quick. Moping is only acceptable for so long before your friends start treating you like a joke.
To get over hot ex-girlfriends, you will need:
- Inner strength
- Booze. The most common first step in the girlfriend purge is a bender. Unfortunately, alcohol is a depressive and you are a depressed mess. But it will feel just about perfect for at least a few hours. You’ll start telling everyone how you really don’t care, and then you will get all weepy and do something stupid or biologically obscene. The best part is you probably won’t remember a thing. The purpose of filling your system with toxins is to shield your brain from the fact you got dumped. It will not be pretty, but it’s a good beginning to help you get over losing any hot ex-girlfriends. Be forewarned that you will most likely get very drunk. Like disgracefully so. It is best to have a friend or two to keep an eye on you during this time so you don’t wake up in jail without your pants.
- Rebounder. Sex is a miracle cure for a whole host of ailments including a stomped on, hung-over heart. It’s like the healthy version of the release you feel during a drunken stupor. A good screw is so potent, it triumphs over all. Rebound sex is vital to freeing your mind from the detailed imagery of your ex-girlfriend writhing around on top of someone else. The key here is to find a girl who is nothing like your ex. If your ex was a snotty blond stick insect, then look for a friendly Rubenesque redhead. You want to enjoy your carnal satisfaction in unfamiliar waters that will expand your mind to new avenues of pleasure. And yes, that does mean to batter dip the ol’ corndog.
- Metamorphosis. It is time to shave the mopey beard, work off the beer fat and take a shower. The last step in your transformation is to groom yourself a bit and reenter the social circles you once shared with your ex. You must do so with an air of confidence. This is an awkward period, but remember to always keep your head held high. If you see her, be cordial but do not talk to her and for Christ’s sake man, no begging. Talking to her friends has its advantages but ignoring her is the best thing you can do to get your life back. Be strong, otherwise you will end up back at step one.
- Revenge is often considered right up there with booze. In this digital age, you may have graphic reminder or two in movie format of the sweet, sweaty times you once shared. The right thing to do is to simply erase it. Cut yourself free from all of that bad major. There are so many dastardly things you could do since all your conversations, photos and movies are digital but hell, you don’t want to be that guy.