Wondering how to get rid of a chubby girlfriend? Breaking up is hard to do. Well, sometimes. When you catch her messing around with some other guy or when she puts a baseball bat through your flat screen during the national championship's overtime because you're not "listening to her," it's not that hard. But when it comes to breaking up with someone and not coming off as a jerk, there can be a number of treacherous pitfalls. This is the main concern of those who find themselves with chubby girlfriends. Whether it's a girl who you have somehow only seen in bad light after five too many drinks for an extended period of time, or it's a girl who you've dated for years who inexplicably quit the gym in favor of a fast food and ice cream diet, the break-up will be touchy and could lead to crying or the hard, mushy slap of a chubby hand. However, there are a few techniques which can be employed to help minimize this.
- Imply some things about her weight. Don't be rude about it but surprising her with "gifts" like workout videos, clothes which are to a size too small that you'd "love to see her in," or a six month membership to a dieting program, should effectively get the message across. However, this could also be seen as insensitive and rude and lead to a heavy amount (har, har) of fury and scorn.
- Repeatedly poke her in the belly. You know, like the Pillsbury Doughboy. Insist that she giggles each time.
- Be brutally honest. Say you're embarrassed dating her, your friends are making fun of you and you're not attracted to her anymore. Or never was. This is really all in the phrasing and there is a good chance it will make you sound like a jerk. But she definitely won't want to be your girlfriend after that. Mission accomplished.
- Tell her you're gay. This is a desperate move, but desperate times sometimes call for desperate measures. However, only do this if she doesn't know your friends or any of the other non-chubby girls you may be hanging out with shortly after you break up. Otherwise it may come back to, ahem, bite you in future relationships.
Be forewarned: No matter which method or combination of methods you settle upon here, crying, violence and vengeance are all a possibility. It's even worse on all fronts if your chubby girlfriend is "in love" with you. It may be better to just say you're moving out of the country for a few years and it's better for her if you break-up.