How To Have An Affair

Something is lacking in your relationship and you're trying to figure out how to have an affair. Maybe she nags too much. Maybe she's constantly putting you down. Maybe she doesn't do the between the sheets tango as much as you'd like. Whatever the reason, you're seriously considering having an affair.

Instead of letting her go, you want to have your cake and eat it to. Make no mistake about it. Affairs are destined to end with all parties involved being hurt in some way. Still want to go through with it? Ok then lets talk about how to have an affair.

1. Having an affair is a risky situation initiated in one of two ways. Either you're dating two women that don't know about each other, or you have a a clueless girlfriend and the "other woman" that understands the situation in it's entirety. Both situations are veritable powder kegs with extremely short fuses. Be prepared to walk on eggshells with either pathway you choose.
2. If you date two women that are clueless about each other, you're going to need to learn how to lie and quick. You'll need double the alibi's and you'll need to develop a hell of a memory. Women are the Sherlock Holmes' of the dating world. One slip up and they'll be on your trail like a hound dog. Your stories have to be airtight. 
3. Learn to cover your tracks or you're done for. Any time you can slip away from the one you're currently seeing to text or call the other one is time well spent. It'll help throw her off and keep her suspicions at bay. Don't forget the one your with though. Constantly checking your phone and walking off will make her suspicious. Woo Hoo, and you thought having an affair would be simple, didn't you?
4. Hiding the other girls things will be essential in you keeping the charade going. The smallest feminine object will set off alarms. Even one strand of hair, especially if it's not her hair color, will get her going. Don't forget to change things around depending on who's showing up that day. Don't forget to take your screen saver of girl number one down if number two is knocking on your door.
5. If you're having an affair with one girl kept in the dark and the other knows all, a whole new set of concerns arises. You'll need to be versed in steps one through 4 for the clueless girl, but now, you'll have to deal with the fact that your "other woman" knows what's going on. We all saw how Tiger handled his indiscretions... Not very well.
6. If a young lady knows you're spoken for and still decides to have this affair, the dynamics between you and your woman have a high probability of changing quite drastically. The fact that girl number two would willfully step into that roll says one of two things. She's either truly smitten with you, or wants what the other girl has. Be careful, because this is truly dangerous territory to be journeying into if either scenario is the case. Because girl number two knows the situation, if she's ever unhappy with the current set up, she has the knowledge and means with which to destroy your "real" relationship. Ironically your "other woman" will assume the more important role of the two simply so you can maintain the uneasy balance of the two relationships. It's guaranteed that at some point girl number two will want you to get rid of your other chick. Just plan on it.
7. The longer you allow the affairs to continue,  the harder it will be to maintain them. There's only so much hiding you can do. There's only so many lies you can tell. Get out early.

 The longer the attachment, the more feelings are invested. If you juggle for too long, you'll eventually get caught. If you're going to be a dog, the best bet is to continue to constantly drop and replace the girls you're dealing with. Getting caught is inevitable at some point. So is the pain you'll eventually cause. Woof at your own risk.