Wondering how to have wild sex orgies? What red blooded American hasn’t dreamed of hosting a ridiculously, hot, wild sexy orgy in his or her own home? We know you’ve thought about it, but orgies are confusing and scary. These simple rules may help you get over, or under, the hump.
- The first rule of orgy club: Do not talk about orgy club. Sure, it may seem fun to tell everyone about your wild sex orgies, but some folks may not take to kindly to the idea of you plowing your friend’s wife with a Turkish tranny and Peruvian midget.
- The second rule of orgy club: Don’t be selfish. Wild sex orgies are a shared experience. Don’t be greedy.
- The third rule of orgy club: Keep it comfortable. Sometimes everyone wants to have wild sex orgies with their friends, sometimes with strangers, just make sure everyone is on the same page, or your in for a really awkward night of group sex.
- The fourth rule of orgy club: Safety first. Or, in this case fourth, but it’s still important. Wearing condoms is good, but being certain of everyone’s sexual health is better. Be a responsible orgy host.
- The fifth rule of orgy club: Quality lighting. You want to host your wild sex orgies in the most flattering light possible. Too much light can equal too much information. Too little can be dangerous. Hey, who’s poking me!
- The sixth rule of orgy club: Location, location. This rule directly correlates to rule three and five. You’re going to want to host your wild sex orgies in an area with a lot of space, a wide variety of comfortable yet sturdy surfaces, and a good floor plan to accommodate random foot traffic.
- The seventh rule of orgy club: Alcohol, and lots of it. If you can convince 10 sober people to have a wild sex orgy then you don’t need this list. Go start a cult weirdo.
- The eighth rule of orgy club: Robes. Invest in robes. Seriously, you can’t have a sex party without them. And, if you’re feeling traditional, invest in some shag carpet. Also, at least one man must have a ‘stache. That’s just common sense.
- The ninth rule of orgy club: Keep the numbers logical. Too many guys might be uncomfortable for everyone. Too many girls may leave some gals left out. Homosexual orgies can ignore this rule completely.
- The tenth rule of orgy club: Know the safe word. This is especially important for the BDSM crowd, but is relevant for everyone. Also, make sure the word is short and simple. Yes, it may be fun to yell “Victory for the forces of democratic freedom,” but that’s a mouthful. Especially when you already have your mouth, err, full.
What Others Are Reading Right Now.
13 Things to Look Forward to in Your 30s
You’ve probably been told that your 20s will be the best years of your life. As someone in their 30s, I can tell you honestly that nothing could be further from the truth. Here are ...
Acting, comedy and strong spirits converge in Speakeasy. When host Paul F. Tompkins interviews entertainers—Key and Peele, Alison Brie, Rob Delaney, Zach Galifianakis—about all sor ...
Lando’s Penalty Kick Ritual: A Tribute
He plays his last match for the USA tonight. This video is a testament to his impact.