Knowing how to hold a beer while riding a motorcycle is one of those skills in life that will not help you get a job, improve your social standing or get you any closer to performing the reproductive act with an eligible mate. But it will always impress your friends. Well, at least the dumb ones. Riding a motorcycle while holding a beer is one of those skills that is best learned through futile acts of stupidity rather than scholarly research. So crack open a beer, tough guy, fire up the crotch rocket and do a burner down your block. It’s learning time!
To hold a beer while riding a motorcycle, you will need:
- At least one hand
- At least one beer
- A blatant disregard for sanity and the law
- A cup holder
- Wedging and hunching. Holding a beer in one hand and steering your bike with the other in not an easy thing. You can only go so far before you are either forced to ditch the beer or stack the bike. But it can be done. Some instrument displays on motorcycles are suspiciously perfect for wedging in beer cans. You simply chug a quarter of the beer so you can safely crush the can a little and cram it in. Unfortunately, it is pretty tough to reinsert the beer can after removal, so you will most likely end up chugging the whole thing. The most globally embraced technique is also the most obvious one: the crotch hold. Simply place the beer between your thighs up against your junk and lean in a little. A major advantage for keeping a beer in your crotch is you can hunch forward if you see a cop.
- Modern technology. The easiest way to hold a beer while riding a motorcycle is to use a cup holder. They make them for coffee but, miraculously, a beer fits in the holder as well. They usually clip onto a handlebar, but some riders clip them in less obvious places, like near the knee.
Be warned that you have to be some sort of fool to drink and drive. It is dangerous and completely illegal.
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