So after catching her sunbathing topless beside the pool or flipping through the family photo album a few times, you realize that you want learn how to hook up with your girlfriend's mom. She's hotter than your girlfriend, probably better in bed due to her age and experience, and is always coming on to you at barbecues and while you are washing dishes after dinner. This may be in lieu her recent divorce, extended separation or naturally cougar-like qualities. You also realize that this is both a once in a lifetime opportunity and also a clear sign that you may need to reassess your own personal morality. But then again, you only live once and what's morality really worth when you're dead? If you're actually going to go through with this cougar-hunting expedition, there are certain ways of going about it which should be employed, so that you don't create an awkward situation for yourself and be sure that you can effectively close the deal.
- Test the waters. You'd better be one hundred percent sure she is interested in you and that she is willing to risk her relationship with her daughter on a fling with someone who has only been recently legally recognized as an adult. Pay close attention to her relationship with her daughter, as well. Is there already a natural rivalry? If there is, what better way for a mom to one-up her daughter by banging her man? Also keep in mind that if this works, you're getting in the middle of pretty sick and twisted mother-daughter relationship, despite the fact that you're getting laid.
- Make sure the dad is out of the picture. It's never a good idea to hook-up with someone else's wife, but when you hook-up with some guy's wife and break his daughter's heart at the same time, you're asking for a serious beating.
- Suggest doing something, one-on-one. Tell her you want her help picking out a gift for her daughter, your girlfriend, and you need her help. If she accepts, see if she comes on to you. Older, experienced women don't play the hard-to-get games that younger women do. They get down to business when they have the chance and if your girlfriend's mom is interested, she'll take this opportunity to try and close the deal.
- If you fail once, try, try again. This is clearly a darkly complicated move between both parties, so the moment and situation has to be absolutely right, if that's the proper word, for this hook-up to happen. So if all the elements are in place and you don't bag the cougar for some reason, it doesn't mean that you did anything wrong. The incredibly bizarre and dysfunctional situation just wasn't right, if that makes sense. Just continue to hang around and see if another opportunity presents itself.
What Others Are Reading Right Now.
10 Red Flags That Kill Your Chances With Women
Wondering why that first date didn’t lead to a second? Read on.
Acting, comedy and strong spirits converge in Speakeasy. When host Paul F. Tompkins interviews entertainers—Key and Peele, Alison Brie, Rob Delaney, Zach Galifianakis—about all sor …
13 Pro Wrestling Tales Too Crazy to be True—But They Are!
Because the gnarliest stuff happens when the cameras are off.