How To Hump A Bed

Sometimes you end up so horny that humping just about anything sounds like a good idea, so when that's the case you should learn how to hump a bed. You might be thinking that it's kind of weird to need instructions for this, but you don't want to end up in the hospital because you can't hump a bed properly and end up hurting yourself.

1. Make sure your bed is durable enough for extended humping. Nothing is more disappointing than having your bed fall apart before you can really get your freak on.
   
2. Try a few different positions. A position that's good for bed humping one bed doesn't work with a different style, so experiment with what works out best for you. Be careful with beds with corner posters and add-on headboards. If you aren't being careful you might hit these bed parts a bit too hard.
3. Decide where you're sticking it. You have many different options for exactly what part of the bed you would like to hump. A common standby is stacked pillows, although you can just pound the top of the mattress.
   
4. Check the noise level with a few gentle humps before going full force. You want to avoid having super loud squeaks or the bed's headboard slamming up against the wall. You probably don't want to get caught giving the bed sweet, sweet loving.
5. Hump the bed to your heart's desire. Bonus points if you hump your buddy's bed and leave him a surprise to deal with later.