How To Look Like A Skater

So you want to know how to look like a skater? It could take some time to achieve that ice skater image, especially if you're not an athlete. But with the right clothes, moves and lessons, you might just be able to pass for one.

To look like a skater, you will need:

• A leotard
• Ice skates
• Health food

1. Look the part. Go to your nearest costume shop or athletic outfitter and buy an ice skating outfit or dance leotard. Make sure it fits; no one wants to see bulges popping through.
2. Purchase ice skates. After all, how do you expect to look like a skater if you don't wear ice skates?
3. Take ice skating lessons. Call up your local ice rink and ask for lesson availability. Request a Russian instructor, if possible. If those are in short supply, go for a Japanese one.
4. Start getting skinnier. Ice skaters are known for being skinny. Go on a diet, drink lots of water and exercise several times a week to thin down if you're not already thin. But don't become anorexic; looking like a skater is just not worth all that.
5. Stretch constantly. Performing all those skate moves is going to be difficult if you can't extend your hamstring enough to do a triple Lutz.
6. Take ballet lessons. These will teach you the proper art form of carrying yourself and behaving like an ice skater.
7. Learn the "Thank you, thank you, you're much too kind" pose that ice skaters perform on ice after a competition routine. Simply raise your arms in a big half circle and grin big.
8. Learn to cry on demand. The minute you begin the "Thank you" pose, tears should start flowing from your eyes.