How To Lose A Job
Need to know how to lose a job? Most people know how to lose a job and are actively working towards it without even being aware that they are doing so. If you want to learn what not to do in order to ensure your job security, or simply want a laugh, read the guide below.
- Disregard your schedule. Go ahead, work on your clock. Who does your employer think he is, trying to enforce a daily schedule? Show up when you feel like doing so, take your breaks whenever you’re hungry or need a smoke break. And clock out before your shift ends. If you’re trying to lose a job that’s a pain in the butt, this is the best way to do so.
- Social network! Hey, online social networks aren't just websites; they're a way of life. Check your status several times each hour, update your status and tweet your feelings every time a random thought pops into your head. Make sure to do so using a company computer. If you lose a job over it, so what?
- Take personal calls. Chat with family members and friends at your desk. There’s no need to excuse yourself; it’ll be a long conversation anyway.
- Use the company computer to send out online job applications. You’re aware that all of your computer records are available to your employer. But, you’re sure he doesn’t check it. Use your lunch break or dead time throughout your workday to send out job applications online.
- Ignore the dress code. Feel free to wear that low-cut V-neck mini dress to work. The office is boring; your sexy outfit will give your male coworkers some spiciness to look forward to.
- Call in sick every Monday. The weekend is too short to end after just two days. Make it a personal mission to call in sick every Monday. Your boss will never catch on to the fact that you haven’t suddenly come down with the flu every Monday morning for the past three weeks.
- Add your boss to your online social network. There’s no reason not to add your boss as a friend; he can be a nice guy sometimes. But don’t censor your posts just because your boss can see them. Complain about your job and your boss, and update your status as “going to the beach!” an hour after you’ve called in sick.
- Fib about your credentials. When you handed your resume over, you stated that you graduated from Harvard University. But, in reality, you only received your high school diploma. What can Harvard teach you that your 10th grade biology teacher didn’t tell you? If you’re trying to lose a job, you’d better hope that you lied about your employment history too.
If you’re trying to lose a job, take all of the above mentioned tips to heart. Before you know it, you’ll be out on the job market prowling for a new employer!