How To Lose Your Voice

So you’re looking to lose your voice? Want to fake sick for school? Want to get out of a business presentation? Well, losing your voice we'll get you out of plenty of awkward situations you’d rather avoid. Having a scratchy voice will be undeniable proof of your imaginary illness!

What you need:

• 1 pillow.
• 1 cup of lemon juice mixed with vinegar.
• 1 radio (not always necessary).

One way to lose your voice is to scream into a pillow:

1. Turn on loud music or anything on the radio.
2. Wrap your head in some blankets, not too tight but enough to further muffle sound.
3. Put your mouth up to a pillow.
4. Think of your jerk teacher or arrogant boss.
5. Yell! (in a deeper voice, as this puts more strains on the chords.)
6. Gargle and spit a cup of lemon juice and vinegar (this can help you achieve a scratchier sound.)

Alternatives:
If you don’t feel like screaming, cough your head off! Coughing makes the vocal chords jerk up and down, putting tension on the larynx. I’ve also heard that laying upside when coughing can speed up the process.
A third option (although I do not condone it) is inhaling some sort of smoke. This comes with the risk of lung damage, so I do not suggest it.

Warning:
Please note--what you are doing here is damaging your vocal chords. So if you do this and succeed, allow for several recovery days. Drink green tea and honey. Do not repeat this process within a month’s time.