How to Make the Perfect Toast

Need to know how to make the perfect toast? Weddings are an excellent opportunity for you—the best man—to meet someone new. The reception is full of attractive, eligible women already swooning over the emotion of the day. You're dressed to the nines, primed to make a big impression on these lovely ladies and you're packing a secret weapon; you'll be toasting the bride and groom. It's a golden opportunity for you to be the most eligible bachelor of the evening. At weddings, single women reflect on their own lives and think about walking down the aisle themselves. Romance is in the air, so if you want to score, prepare to give a great wedding toast. That means you should lose the off-color remarks, talk about the bride and groom equally and share some brief but emotional thoughts that'll hit home with all the guests.

1. When it comes to writing the toast, make sure it's from the heart. Choose words, thoughts and sentiments that truly reflect how you feel about the people you're toasting. If your words are from the heart, you can't lose.
2. Briefly mention your connection to the couple. It lends credibility to what you have to say, but don't steal the spotlight. This toast is a tribute to the bride and groom, not an audition for you. Focus your remarks on your subject and not yourself.
3. Give equal time. Make sure you give equal time to both the bride and the groom. Lousy best men focus strictly on their buddy, the groom. A balanced toast will make you a hero to the girls in the crowd and help cement your future relationship with your buddy's wife.
4. Don’t mention anything embarrassing. This is not the time to tell everyone how great the groom was at picking up girls in college, or how drunk the bride was at her bachelorette party. Anything you know about the couple’s romantic life is strictly off-limits.
5. Consider your audience. It's a wedding, so the audience will be people of all ages and backgrounds. Dirty jokes just make you look stupid to the women you're trying to impress.
6. Stay sober. Drinking never improves a toast. Never. It only makes you think it's better. Wait until you've given the toast, then you can drink to celebrate your success.
7. Be sincere. Sarcasm, however well-intentioned, is ugly and out of place at a wedding. Inside jokes are a waste of time. Lose them. You are not a stand-up comic, so don't try to be funny.
8. Keep it short. The shorter the toast, the more profound and entertaining you will seem to those single women. Praise the groom. Praise the bride. Praise them both. Raise a glass. Sit down.
9. Be original. Planning to reference something making the rounds on the internet this week? Don't. The bride and groom will show their wedding video to their kids some day. Their kids will think you are lame if you're all "Whoop! There it is!" Be original or shut up.
10. Be prepared. Figure out what you're going to say. Write it down. Practice the toast until you know it so well you can do it without screwing it up. The more comfortable you are, the easier it will be for you to make eye contact with those available women.
11. No note cards. Don't write your toast on a bunch of note cards. Worst case: you lose the cards and ad lib. Almost as bad: you read from the cards, making the whole damned thing look forced and rehearsed.
12. Speak slowly and clearly. Talk louder than you think is necessary, since you'll be competing with drunken relatives and busboy trays.
13. Smile like you're really enjoying yourself. If you stumble on some words, blow it off, keep going. You're not getting a grade. This is the most receptive audience you'll ever face. Everyone's rooting for you. Frankly, the women out there want to be putty in your hands. Don't let them down.

Give a beautiful, heartfelt and memorable toast and you will instantly distinguish yourself as a confident guy with class and style. What single woman could resist that?