How To Make A Sex Swing Stand

Life can monotonous and boring, so why not keep your sex life in juxtaposition to the mundane— in this article, you will learn how to make a sex swing stand, and in turn, spice up your sexy time.

Supplies:

  • One 2×4 Kiln Dried Stud
  • Drywall screws
  • Eye hook with 300 pound rating
  • Spring
  • Chain (No, not NECESSARILY for what you think, given the content of the title of this article)
  1. Locate the joists of an attic area, assuming you have an attic area, and that you may not always want your sex swing on a museum-like display. It is always good to have the option of temporarily removing such an item as a sex swing at your discretion, unless it is the object of your open house display for potential buyers.  
  2. Add a 2×4 across the joists, once the joists are located in an attic area. A Kiln Dried Stud will suffice for this purpose.
  3. Identify an area where you have a light fixture. Make sure that you turn off the breaker and remove the light fixture temporarily, as to see what wires are present.
  4. Pull back the insulation and attach the 2×4 with screws. This is also an optimal time to evaluate the condition of your insulation. Is it moldy? Does its current R-value comply with current building codes?  
  5. Buy an eye hook with a 300 pound rating. This is the minimum amount of weight you should use, as the sex swing is not just for marveled and overwhelmed onlookers.
  6. Invest in a spring!  Given the likelihood of the presence of intense bouncing, one must invest in a spring to support this bouncing! This will subsidize some of the tension generated from the eye hook.
  7. Attach a drilled a hole through the drywall exactly where you want to the sex swing to hang (between the light bulbs of the fixture). Be careful to utilize a drywall screw that will correspond to 5/8 sheetrock.
  8. Drill another hole through the plastic casing of the light fixture that aligns with the hole in the sheetrock. This is where your completed, built sex swing shall reside.
  9. Purchase the proper length of chain so that it is barely exposed. Now, you just unscrew the glass and attach a chain of whatever length you want and put the sex swing on the end of it.
  10.  Test out your swing! Assuming your partner is a WILLING participant. It would be rather boring putting it through a trial run by yourself!


Tips:

  • Make sure your partner is securely fastened during the use of the swing, but not too tight to prevent circulation
  • Start slowly the first time you use the sex swing, in order to make sure it is safely proportionate to the individual on the swing.

 

 

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