How To Make Yourself Into A Guido

Learning how to make yourself into a Guido is not a difficult proposition. Granted, in some circles the moniker is considered a slur, but among the fashionistas, a Guido is actually a man who embraces and exudes the quintessential Italian machismo attitude.

Get ready to discover how to make yourself into a Guido by setting the stage with a few props:

• Tight-fitting clothes
• Gold chains and assorted jewelry
• Hair gel

It is now time for the transformation. Ready?

1. Work out the upper body. Discovering how to make yourself into a Guido is synonymous with knowing the inside of a gym or lifting weights at home. Pecs should be defined and hard; fight upper body flab at every turn.
2. Wear tight-fitting clothes. An A-shirt is good; a plain T-shirt and leather jacket also work. Leave dress shirts unbuttoned. Cool weather calls for a turtleneck, providing that it is sufficiently tight to accentuate the musculature. The Guido is a bit of a dandy when in polite company.
3. Shave daily and cultivate a slicked-back coif. Embracing how to make yourself into a Guido demands a close relationship with mousse and hairspray. The five o’clock shadow is out, long unkempt locks must go and the hair must assume the 90 m.p.h. position.
4. Accessorize with gold jewelry. Neck chains-such as Figaro links-should be heavy; opt for a matching pinky ring. Underscore the Italian look with cornicello or medallion pendants.
5. Pimp your ride. Understanding how to make yourself into a Guido does not stop with the personal appearance; it is a mix of lifestyle and accumulation of status symbols. Get rid of the Honda and get wheels that ooze machismo. Good choices are the Cadillac Eldorado, Coupe Deville and Buick Riviera.

Follow these steps on how to make yourself into a Guido, and you have all the external trappings in place. Now comes the time to separate the men from the boys: practice the swagger, the scowl, the head bop and the devil-may-care attitude. Only if you can say “what are you looking at” (and make it sound like Robert De Niro) can you truly claim to have arrived at being a Guido.