For some people, masturbating in a bathroom at work helps them get through the day. With all the stresses and rigors of a day in the workplace, sometimes you need a release. Masturbation is shown to help you reach a relaxed state because of the release of high levels of hormones known as endorphins. Secretion of endorphins leads to feelings of euphoria, modulation of appetite, and release of sex hormones. With high endorphin levels, we feel less pain and experience less stress. So, technically a daily masturbation session would probably improve your performance at work, but until masturbation makes it on your daily work itinerary, here's how to masturbate in the bathroom at work without getting caught.
- Get your materials together. Get whatever it is that helps you get off together the night before. If you like dirty magazines, throw some in your briefcase. Maybe you need some action to get you stimulated. Download some freaky porn clips to your iPod. Make sure whatever you choose is easily concealed so you can get it into the bathroom without a hassle. Your dream of masturbating in a bathroom at work just got one step closer.
- Timing is everything. You can't masturbate in the bathroom at lunch time. There's too much traffic. You can't do the deed when the cleaning people are tidying up the place either. Choose off-peak times. Later is better. Try an hour or so after lunch. Everyone should be back from lunch by then. More importantly, the bathroom should be clear. It's also a good idea to do it later in the day because a good tug session will eliminate all the bottled up stress you've accumulated from the morning. You'll have a fresh outlook for the rest of the day.
- Misdirection. When you've picked the time for your, well, "me time", don't tell people you're taking a bathroom break. If you take too much time returning to your desk then the first place people will look for you is in the stalls. You don't want to get caught masturbating in the bathroom at work. Put up a sign at your desk that simply says "break" or "be back in fifteen minutes." If you skip out without anyone seeing you, no one would really know when you left.
- Picking a place. Always, always, always pick the stall furthest from the door. You'll have the most time to recover if someone unexpectedly walks into the bathroom. Remember, masturbating in the bathroom at work is a covert operation. If someone walks in, you want them to think your dropping the kids off at the pool not milking the cow.
- Assume the position. After you've claimed the stall, get comfortable. Masturbating in a bathroom at work is a lot different from stretching out on your living room couch. It's like playing Twister in a box. Figure out the best position to get your stimuli in place while at the same time getting a comfortable grip on your, uh, situation.
- Develop a ninja-like masturbatory technique. Don't go into the stall rocking the toilet seat because somebody's going to hear. Keep it as quiet as possible. Handle your business, clean up, catch your breath, and get the hell out of there.
- Get back to your desk. Successfully make it back to your cubicle. Leave your break sign up for a few more minutes. This will help for two reasons. One, it'll give you more time to catch your breath. Two, it'll confuse anyone if they were looking for you while you were handling your business. If they ask, you can play dumb like you forgot to take down your sign.
- Get back to work. You can get back to work stress-free. At least until your coworkers figure out you're back at your desk. Don't make the mistake of getting greedy. Trying multiple masturbation sessions in one day isn't a smart move.