It is not difficult to learn how to masturbate without a mess. Unfortunately, with the way the male body is made, ejaculate tends to flow forcefully and freely away from our bodies. If you’re not careful, this can lead to a big clean up job, but there are some steps you can take to avoid this.
- Try the sink. Men often masturbate in the bathroom, in part because it’s one of the only paces in the home with a door that locks and true privacy. If you don’t mind masturbating while standing up, jerk off directly into the bathroom sink—it was made to have things going down it anyway, and this will help you masturbate without a mess. After you’re done, just turn the water on to make the evidence go away and use some toilet paper for sticky globs that are more stubborn.
- The shower. The shower is the classic place to jerk off because it is a very private place where you are unlikely to be bothered, the running water makes enough noise to drown out any that you might be making and, of course, the drain is right there to take it all down. It’s a great place to masturbate without a mess, but remember that semen tends to clump in water and you’ll want to make sure that it all gets washed down.
- Avoid lying on your back. Jerking off while lying on your back may be the way to make the biggest mess, so avoid doing this. While on your back, you’re going to shoot up in the air and often in unpredictable directions. Depending on the strength of your orgasm, you may spray every pillowcase and sheet on your bed, leaving a bunch of musty wet spots that are not fun to deal with. To masturbate without a mess, don’t lie on your back.
- A paper towel. Perhaps the easiest way to masturbate without a mess is to do it directly into an item made for cleaning messes up. A paper towel, piece of toilet paper or tissue—though often one tissue is not sturdy enough on its own—are great items to use when you’re getting ready to blow your top. Hold the towel near the end of your penis and when you ejaculate, aim directly into it, making sure to get the entire load. Then, simply deposit in the trash, and there’s no mess to be had.
- Going natural. There is no way to have a mess if you don’t mind about it not getting cleaned up. Jerking off outdoors, where your deposit will just end up going back to nature, is a way to masturbate without a mess. Some people enjoy the rush of doing sexual things in nature, as it has a very “authentic” and spiritual feel. Of course, do mind where you masturbate, as you don’t want to break any laws or frighten other people, or get arrested. If you can do it on your own property, do so.
What Others Are Reading Right Now.
Acting, comedy and strong spirits converge in Speakeasy. When host Paul F. Tompkins interviews entertainers—Key and Peele, Alison Brie, Rob Delaney, Zach Galifianakis—about all sor …
21 Fantastic Facts About Ronda Rousey
This trivia’s like her fights: quick and jarring.
21 Hairstyles Women Love
Female experts reveal the ’dos that drive them wild.