Lets be brutally honest here, how to not be a doormat in a relationship starts with you. First of all, why are you picking the people who want to wipe their feet on you, in the first place? You deserve more. We all deserve to be respected by our partners. Really we do. Having a loving healthy respectful relationship is not a myth. People really do have them and so can you.
Here are some things you can do to not be a doormat and empower yourself at the same time:
- Question yourself: Take a look at yourself. Seriously, why have you allowed yourself to be a doormat in your relationship? Is it low self-worth? Insecurity? Is it what you saw your Mom do to your Dad? Figure it out. Seek council if you need to discuss it in-depth. Know that you are a human being, not your girlfriend's doormat.
- Make a list of your good points:Sometimes it is easy for us to get lost in the other person's perceotion of us. Let's take a look for ourselves. Make a list of what good qualities you bring to the relationship. Take time to feel good about them. Often we forget who we are. Take some time out to rediscover your good qualities and know that you are too awesome to be anyone's doormat.
- Teach people how to treat you: There is an old saying that we teach people how to treat us. This means that we have allowed our partner to wipe their feet on us and disengage when it comes to our feelings. Right now, stop that. Teach your girlfriend how it is you want them to treat you. That may mean having to pull the selfish card out sometimes. If you feel like you're neglecting your friends, spend some time with them no matter how strongly your girlfriend complains about it. Remember, your feelings do count.
- Place down boundaries: To not be a doormat in a relationship, you must also have boundaries with your girlfriend. Boundaries are knowing your own limits. If she brings something up in an argument about your parents and this is unacceptable for you. You must state this in a nice, but honest way by saying something like, “Please do not refer to my parents in a negative way. I find this unacceptable. Please do not do that again with me. Thank you.” Maybe not as robotic as that, but you get the idea. Here’s the deal, in order not to be treated like a doormat you must not act like one.
- Communicate consequences: Often the reasons we are treated like a doormat in a relationship is that our partners know no consequences. They have been taught; by us, that they can do and say whatever they want to because we allow them to. Again, stop that. When someone does something you don’t like you can let her know that you don’t like it and that you will have to leave if the behavior continues. If it continues – leave. That is the only way you can make her accountable for her behavior. We have to say it is no longer acceptable to be treated like that and take action to have our own back.
- Stand your ground with love: When you have followed through with the steps above and have had to place boundaries and set consequences, then you have to also stick with them. If you allow someone to get away with a behavior that hurts you or you set consequence for someone and they do the behavior and you still end up taking it, then you have placed yourself on the ground again, and before you know it you feel like you have poop on your face.
Ultimately, if your partner still treats you like you have no say in how you are to be treated, and is still walking over you as if you are the doormat. Leave. It’s not about you. It’s their need to be superior due to their own baggage and fears. Let go, and liberate both of you at the same time.
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