How Not To Make A Mafia Movie

How not to make a Mafia movie can be just as important as how to make one. After all, in the exciting world of organized crime, one mistake can equal getting "whacked" by a "wiseguy" with a "gun." And Hollywood is almost as dangerous! So, here's how not to make a Mafia movie.

Skimp On The Details The best Mafia movies are chock full of little details—think about the scene in "The Godfather" when Michael gets shown how to use the gun. Highly memorable, right? Mafia movies are all in the details—they're like the garlic to the movie's meat sauce, if you're familiar with reductive cultural stereotypes. So a good way to not make a Mafia movie would be to make one devoid of garli…er…details. Garlic can't hurt though, either. Mobsters love garlic.

Forget The Violence Even the most respected Mafia movies have plenty of violence to keep the rubes entertained. So one way not to make a Mafia movie would be to forget to include those wonderful, wonderful sequences of people being murdered in various gruesome and amusing ways. It can be simple, like a bullet to the stomach or more elaborate, like poisoned mortadella.

Focus On The Cops Back in the Golden Age of Hollywood, the Production Code (boo!) had some very strict rules regarding "gangster pictures." One of these was that a criminal could not be the object of sympathy on the part of the audience. Obviously this was not followed even back then, but the filmmakers of the time had to devote a lot of screen time to boring police figures just for the sake of plausible deniability. Doing this in the modern era is a great way to not make a Mafia movie—what you would be making is a cops and robbers movie, or maybe just a crime movie. But a Mafia movie? Forget about it.

Cast George Hamilton Casting George Hamilton is not just a great way to not make a Mafia movie, it's the best way to not make a Mafia movie. Just look at the guy. Robert Duvall is cooler than him in every way. And, no, we're not talking about any movie in particular, Francis Ford Coppola.

Cast Your Daughter Who Can't Act Not only is this a great way to not make a Mafia movie, it's a great way to ruin one! And no, mr. Coppola, we still don't know what you're talking about. This is not directed at any one movie.

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