How Not To Play Strip Poker

As you peek over the top of you cards, you glance nervously at your last remaining article of clothing and realize that you are now too familiar with how not to play strip poker. If you had been smart you would've followed these simple rules.

  1. This is not a game for you and your buddies. Nights out on the town should not end in your apartment with a bunch of drunk, half-naked guys sitting around the kitchen table. If it does, something has gone severely awry. Make it a rule (unwritten or otherwise) that the first guy to suggest strip poker in the absence of women will be playing a one-sided game of roschambo. 
  2. Playing with you parents is definitely how not to play strip poker. This rule applies to all genetically related individuals. (Even that super hot, second-cousin. Let it go, creepy.)
  3. This is not a game for the beach. Wearing only a single article of clothing to a strip poker game is like bringing five bucks to Vegas. Pointless and totally devoid of fun. Drawing the game out only adds to the titillation factor. Remember, socks count individually. 
  4. This is not a game for the sober. Unless you and your playing partners are naturally exhibitionist, playing sober is a great way to make sure everyone folds every time. Have adult beverages on hand and indulge liberally.
  5. This is not the World Series of Poker. If you are fully dressed and your opponents are completely naked, you have failed to understand how not to play strip poker. The point is not to humiliate and dominate, it's to have fun. People aren't having fun if they're just being ogled at. Lose a couple of rounds and a few layers keeps everyone happy and in the game.
  6. Speaking of ogling: Don't. Looking is fine. Ogling, drooling, making rude gestures, or making unwanted advances are all how not to play strip poker. They're also a great way to make sure that no one will ever play with you again. 

So there you have it, the best ways not to play strip poker. Alas, you didn't follow these rules and as the dude sitting next to you slaps down a full house to beat your three of a kind, you grimace and start taking off your skivvies, wishing like hell you had learned how not to play strip poker before you had dealt the cards. 

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