How To Prolong Intercourse

If you are dating someone out of your league and you're finally close to scoring, you may be wondering how to prolong intercourse. Sure, they all act polite after a couple minutes of pumping but trust me, they will also giggle about it later with their friends and soon everyone will know. But fret not, cupcake, there are many things you can do to make the ride last.

To prolong intercourse, you will need:

• A working knowledge of human anatomy
• A little alone time
• Condoms
• Maybe beer

Steps

1. Exercising the weasel. Some girls drive you wild from miles away. You think about them too much and when time comes for fun you explode like raging supernova or sad little balloon depending upon your nature. If you know tonight’s the night or you gave a poor performance earlier, it is time to start figuring out how to prolong intercourse. You need a plan and that plan could include whacking off before your big date. This releases a lot of pressure, allows you to work through your frenzied fantasies and show up more relaxed. But remember to shower afterwards.
2. Condoms. You should wear one anyway but all men who have used them know it dulls the sensation a bit. This equals a few more minutes of humping. Trojan also makes a condom called Fire and Ice which is similar to smearing a little Tiger Balm on your junk. This dulls, cools and tingles your Johnson. This is not for everyone and you should definitely mention it to your partner because more than a few people find the sensation unsettling.
3. Switching it up. A great way to prolong intercourse is to be more giving in the sack. When you realize you are climaxing, stop and go for creative style points. Eat her out, stick fingers in different holes, kiss her all over, suck her toes, give her a hickey and whatever else comes to mind. Just because your penis is not inserted does not mean you can’t pleasure her and allow yourself to simmer down a little.
4. Beer me. Ah beer. It helps us get laid, it allows us to last another god damn day in this cold, empty life and it also lets you screw longer. Is there anything beer can’t do? If you use beer to prolong intercourse, try drinking it. Also, do not drink too much because you may end up with the opposite problem. Then the girls will really gossip about you. An unresponsive worm is almost as funny as a tiny penis to them.
5. Far away man. If you are a lady reading this you may think he is focusing on you as he grunts, make funny faces and sweats but he is probably not. He is usually thinking about your friend or his coworker or the chick that works at Starbucks, etc. Do not be offended. If sex is routine, this spices it up but ignoring you is also used to prolong intercourse as well. Thinking thoughts like, "Wow I am doing it with her and she is naked!" never help. The ride will be a woefully short one. When the train nears the station and the brakes are failing, a man must think about sports, math, bills, his wife or anything else annoying to prolong the magic.