How To Recognize A Controlling Girlfriend

By: Mike Harris

Break Studios Contributing Writer

 Unfortunately, many guys simply do not know how to recognize a controlling girlfriend. The result for them isn’t so good. They often end up on an invisible leash, pulled against their will away from other friends and commitments. Follow the guide below to recognize the signs of a controlling girlfriend and avoid letting it happen to you.

  1. Rules and consequences are predetermined. In a healthy relationship, knowing what is appropriate is almost second nature. A controlling girlfriend, however, will set clear ground rules—often concerning odd things. In accordance with those rules, there will often be punishments. They give the authoritative girlfriend the upper hand in almost any situation, as opposed to solving problems together.
  2. The guy’s independence is severely limited. In a controlling relationship, the controlled will often lose their sense of identity. They will be coerced, often through small insults and other verbal abuse, to change themselves in order to maintain the relationship. A controlling girlfriend knows how to take her boyfriend down to force him to be exactly what she wants.
  3. When clearly wrong, the controlling girlfriend will only get more confrontational. If a situation arises where the girl is clearly wrong, (say she thought he was drinking with his buddies when he was actually visiting his mother) she will feel backed into a corner and lash out. Instead of admitting the mistake and apologizing, she will probably come back with something the guy did wrong that caused the whole situation to arise in the first place. For a misunderstanding such as the one above, it could be something like his lack of communication skills that she would blame.
  4. All of the controlling girlfriend’s emotions are directly related to the guy. If she has a bad day at work, then the boyfriend likely doesn’t support her enough. If there’s a falling out in her family, the boyfriend doesn’t take her side like he should. It’s a common practice among authoritative girlfriends to project their emotions, especially negative ones, on the relationship itself. When something she can’t control goes wrong, she will take out her frustration on something she can control – her boyfriend.
  5. The controlling girlfriend feels threatened easily, and will respond accordingly. Any perceived threat to the girl’s control in the relationship will spur outrage. Though those threats may vary for person to person, the common theme is the boyfriend showing resistance or independence. If a guy standing by his opinion leads to serious fights, it’s a definite problem. 
Posted on: Oct. 06, 2010