How to Seduce a Nun

So you're sitting in church, wondering how to seduce a nun. It's completely normal, we've all been there. But you don't just decide to seduce a nun. There's a certain process involved – it's close to being an art. Follow this guide to seducing a nun, and you'll be wondering how to make a nun leave you alone in no time!

  1. Introduce Some Sexual Tension Nuns, as you might know, are married to Jesus or something. As a result of this weird arrangement, they are supposed to remain chaste and pure throughout their lives in service to their God. So of course it's up to you to introduce some sexual tension into the proceedings. Make a casual remark about what she's wearing under her habit. Make a crude sexual reference involving candles. It's up to you, man.
  2. Renounce God Now, this might seem like a big step if all you want to do is seduce a nun. But in life, you don't get what you want unless you go after it 100 percent. And if you want to get a nun to ditch her deeply-held religious beliefs just to roll around in the communion wafers with you, you've got to be willing to do the same. We recommend renouncing God at night, in the middle of a thunderstorm for maximum dramatic effect. Have fun!
  3. Dress Well We know that it might not seem necessary, but it is. Nuns aren't picky – they don't really have that whole material-world thing happening like some other girls. But throw on a clean shirt, would you? This is seducing a nun, not a wrestling match. Note: It might become a wrestling match.
  4. Make Her Laugh Nuns love a good sense of humor. We recommend looking up religion-themed jokes on the Internet. Keep it clean at the beginning, and graduate into the dirtier stuff as you go along.
  5. Dance Dancing is something that can give you an excuse to get all up in that nun's business, as they say in the Catholic Church. So it's just a gentle ass-pat away from full on seducing a nun.
  6. Be Assertive Seducing a nun isn't a time for restraint. You're basically asking her to leave God for you, and you probably don't even heave a beard. So assert yourself! Nuns respect that.
  7. Grow A Beard It couldn't hurt, right?
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