How To Shrink Pants

If your gangster years are behind you or someone gave you a pair of pants that are a little too big, well then you should know how to shrink pants. Large pants can be a health hazard if you have to run from the police. Plus, as your fashion sense changes, you may wish to stop dressing up like a big boy in his daddy’s pants. There are a couple ways to approach this problem.

To shrink pants, you will need:

  • Food
  • Anabolic steroids
  • Workout routine for long distance jumpers
  • Washer
  • Dryer
  • Sun
  • Tailor
  1. Grow bigger. One of the easier ways to shrink pants is to enlarge your body. By increasing your caloric intake, taking anabolic steroids or working out your legs religiously, you can easily shrink your pants. The only downside is the health risks involved with binge eating, steroids and becoming a muscle bound freak.
  2. Washing. The most common way to shrink pants is by washing them. Set your washer to the smallest capacity and put the water temperature on the hottest setting. Wash as usual and then throw them in the dryer.
  3. Dryer. The Energy Star dryers are for little girl dolly clothes. If you can find an energy hog dryer from the 80’s, use that one. When Reagan was Emperor, the people cared little about conservation and the dryers were so powerful, they could actually burn your clothes. Set the dryer on the hottest temperature and let her rip.
  4. Sun. If you live in a tropical place you probably already know this one. Wash your clothes as usual and throw them in the sun. The intensity of this large mass of incandescent gas sucks out all the moisture and pulls the fabric closer together. You will not be able to actually wear the pants until you toss them in a dryer for a bit because they will be quite stiff.
  5. Considerations. Preshrunk cotton pants will not shrink much using the washer method. Wool pants will need to be washed several times and dried on a medium high setting to slowly shrink them.
  6. Tailor. The easiest way to shrink pants is through alteration. Tailor services are found commonly at dry cleaners and they can bring in the waist and seams quite easily with less damage to the material than hot water washing. If your pants are nice, this is the best solution.
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