How To Stay Single

You want to learn how to stay single. Yeah, yeah I know it's extremely difficult to maintain your solitude in this day and age with women in 2010 so anxious to lock us all down. They don't have enough of their own problems to worry about. Women want to haul around the issues of a generation of over babied, selfish, spoiled narrow minded men as well. What men do you know that would want to deal with a generation of women that want to be their mothers? Sure, lets discuss ways to stay single.

1. If you want to stay single, do absolutely nothing with yourself. Don't go to social gatherings. Don't spark up small talk in the supermarket. Don't interact with the opposite sex. Needless to say, quite a boring yet effective way to stay single.
2. If, unfortunately, you have to interact with women all you need to do is totally neglect your personal hygiene. This is a fool proof way to continue to fly solo. Showering and brushing your teeth should be considered nothing more than bad suggestions. Don't shave. There's no need for cologne, and avoid deodorants like the plague. Women just love a guy that looks and smells like he cares about his personal presentation, so avoid caring at all costs.
3. Expand that six pack into a keg. To stay single, stay out of the gym. Sit on your butt and eat bearclaws all day. Forget counting calories. Forget mountain biking, swimming, or any other cardio. Think Jabba the Hut. Take an I.V. and inject grease into  the veins. You'll see considerable results in no time.
4. Ignore her completely. Are you one of the few guys now a days unlucky enough to be dating someone? If you don't want to push your relationship to the next level, listen up. If you don't want to call her your girlfriend, stop calling her. Take all that nice guy crap you used to catch her and retire it. Be a complete douche bag. Don't open doors for her. Don't take her to dinners and plays and dancing. Don't enjoy yourself with her at all. You want to stay single, treat her like she's a leper. You're guaranteed to retain your single status.
5. Joining the priesthood will eliminate any and all chances of a hookup. This is the most effective way to stay single. The priesthood is harder to get out of than some street gangs. Once your in, your in. None of these guys have girlfriends. You really want to stay single, this is the way to go.

Why waste your time trying to meet someone to spend the rest of your life with. Relationships are out dated. You'd be better off buying an "X-box" and waste your life experiences away playing videogames...