How To Talk Like A Surfer

If you want to know how to talk like a surfer, you have a long road ahead of you, my friend. Like any foreign tongue, you can memorize a phrase or two but without a complete lifestyle immersion, you will never fool any natives. Luckily for you, the lifestyle of a surfer is about as good as it gets. Modern day pursuits of money or status are hollow. Surfers know this, which is why they seem so smug.

  1. Don’t let those guys fool you. If you think all they do is surf, you are only honed in on less than 10% of the tribe. There are douche bag marketing managers out there with bitter writers, cops, computer engineers, construction workers and erotic dancers. The surfer dude stereotypes are only used to sell clothes. Millionaire plastic surgeons compete with fast food workers for waves. In the water, everyone is equal. Yes, there are Nordic blond people rippled with muscles surfing, but there are also skinny little kids and chubby soccer moms ripping on waves as well.
  2. You either love surfing or you love how cool you look holding a surfboard. Overcoming how insignificantly tiny you are versus the power of the ocean changes people. The sensation of sliding down a wave beckons surfers regardless of the physical trials. There is something spiritually primal in that swirling, soothing, crashing roar of the sea. When you ride a wave, it is as if the universe allows you to be centered and free for a single moment in your brief life.  
  3. You can search online or parrot words you have overheard from surfers, but they are empty and without feeling. Plus, dialects change from region to region. Take the phrase, "There are a lot of people in the lineup today." This is also commonly phrased as "Bro, check out all the heads," or "Choke people, brah." To give you a glossary of slang is useless. Anything you say will sound forced.   
  4. If you want to know how to talk like a surfer, there is only one path. Surf. This is a beautiful chance to change your life. Like all worthwhile pursuits, you will meet some jerks. But, you will also meet some multidimensional characters who will show you new ways to perceive the world. As you learn to paddle, duck dive, drop in and carve, the serenity of a surfing lifestyle will follow. One day you will naturally say, “Whoa, that peak looks gnarly!,” and not feel completely lame.
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