How Television Changed Our Lives

The question of how television changed our lives is an important one, due to the sociological impact of mass media and cultural shifts in…hey, shut up, "America's Saddest Fatties" is on!

Neighbors? What Neighbors? Television changed our lives big time back when it first started gaining traction in American homes in the 1950s. TV lore tells us that instead of strolling home from work and chatting with neighbors, many Americans rushed home in time to view their favorite programs. And can you blame them? No mortal neighbor is as funny as Milton Berle (nor is there any competition in the penis-size department, either).

Widescreen 3D Technicolor Cinerama During the early days of television, TV was seen as a direct competitor to the movie business. And before you think this was just a friendly rivalry, consider the fact that you barely saw any TVs in movies until the early 60s at least. And since going to the movies has always been a big part of our lives, it stands to reason that television changed our lives at the movies. All of the sudden, movie studios were scrambling to come up with fancy-shmancy gimmicks that TV couldn't compete with. Wide-screen, 3D, free hand-jobs with every ticket – these were just some of the outlandish stunts that movie studios tried in order to get people away from their TVs.

Suck It, Radio Remember the old days when people sat around and listened to the radio, allowing their imaginations to carry them off to faraway lands filled with adventure, romance, and intrigue? Pretty gay, right? Well, TV changed our lives when it put the kibosh on the whole endeavor. Now, radio is in the rightful hands of coked up morning DJs, smooth-voiced platitude-smiths and insane right-wing racist reactionaries.

TV Dinner Nothing says "modern American life" like a frozen slab of Salisbury steak next to a brownie. And we basically have TV to thank for this delicious piece of Americana. TV changed our lives in so many wonderful ways, it makes our mouths water just thinking about it! Actually, that might be the brownie.

If It Bleeds, It Leads Before TV, journalism was an unparalleled paragon of ethics and integrity. Just ask William Randolph Hearst! But, when Ted Turner had the crazy idea to devote an entire cable channel to news, it's been a race to the bottom for the hearts and minds of the lowest common denominator ever since. Do you really think they put Glenn Beck on the air because he makes sense? No, it's because he's an attention-grabbing weirdo. If that's not proof of TV changing our lives, what is?

CALL NOW!! It might be hard to believe, but there was once a time in our society when a man like Billy Mays (pbuh) would be shouting at passerby and barely making ends meet, instead of becoming a millionaire multimedia superstar and cult icon. TV changed our lives by giving a platform to loud, awesome people like Billy Mays.