How To Tell If Your Marriage Is Over
Figuring out how to tell if your marriage is over is a very difficult and often heart-breaking task. You might not be ready to admit that it’s over, even though you know it can’t possibly survive long-term. Before you move out of the house and call your lawyer, however, you should do everything you can to try to save your marriage, especially if there are children involved.
- Try a marriage counselor. Before you throw in the towel and leave your spouse, see a marriage counselor together. Explain all of your conflicts, unresolved issues and problems with the marriage. Follow the counselor’s advice and keep an open mind. If you still can’t get past your problems, the marriage may be over.
- Be honest with yourself. You may have loved and respected your spouse at some point, but you need to ask yourself if those feelings are still there. Don’t give excuses or ignore your true feelings. If the love is gone, then it’s gone, and you need to move on.
- Know that love isn’t enough. For a marriage to work, you need a lot more than love. You need to be fully committed. You must be supportive, comforting and affectionate. You should feel safe and respect each other. You should be partners in life. If these are not emotions you feel, then you need to ask yourself what that feeling of love really is.
- Consider how often you fight with your spouse. If most situations end up in a fight no matter how accommodating you try to be, then you might not be able to save the relationship. This is especially true if the fights are counterproductive and not about real issues. Bringing up things from the past, disrespecting each other, name calling and arguing about trivial matters are all signs that the fight is not productive.
- Think about your goals, beliefs and lifestyle choices. If you and your spouse have grown apart to the point that you no longer see eye-to-eye on these important issues, then the marriage may be over.
- Calculate your losses carefully. This is basically about weighing the pros and cons of getting out of the marriage at this point in time and deciding if the cons are worth the pros. For example, if you have a low income, you could lose custody of your children, so you might consider getting a new job before filing for divorce. Many situations exist where you might have to sacrifice more than you’d like to get out of the marriage. Only you can decide if the losses are worth what you will gain.
- Figure out if your spouse is at the point of no return. If your spouse has filed for divorce, created a temporary custody agreement with a lawyer and is apathetic to your marriage, then it might really be over. If your spouse has reached the point of no return, then your efforts to save the marriage will be pointless.
Marriage is never something that should be entered into lightly, and once you are married, you should not leave it lightly either. You need to think carefully about your own happiness and emotional well being. However, if there are children involved, their needs must always come first. For example, if you love your spouse and don’t want to leave but your children are being emotionally or physically abused, you need to think of their well being above your own and leave the marriage.