How to Throw the Perfect Bachelor Party

Want to learn about how to throw the perfect bachelor party? In order to throw the perfect bachelor party, you need to look at your scenario in a mathematical sense. There are five key elements, that when put together correctly, will equal a sinful debauchery-filled good time. If any one of these elements is lacking, you risk destroying the entire evening, or weekend, or whatever you have planned. If all the elements complement each other, then throwing the perfect bachelor party jam will fall into place like a row of dominos.

1. The bachelor. First comes first. There won't be any party without this guy. Believe it or not some men will actually consider opting out of having some sort of over the top shindig to honor their last moments of freedom. It's up to you to convince him otherwise. It is imperative that this guy is on the same page as you. He may be your friend, but do you want to subject yourself and others to some boring bachelor party in his mother's basement? Hell no!!! You need the go ahead from the bachelor if you want to throw that perfect bachelor party. By any means necessary, get this dude in the mood for some serious nocturnal decadence. Your friends are all relying on you... No pressure.
2. Base of Operations. After you get that knucklehead bachelor on board you need to find a place or places to indulge in your nocturnal naughtiness. It doesn't matter if you stay in one place or hit up a bunch of clubs and gentlemen's spots. The point is to make sure the atmosphere is consistently enjoyable. In this context, the word "enjoyable" is synonymous with "places where you feel comfortable engaging in an off the charts level of pre-marital insanity". A perfect bachelor party needs a perfect place.
3. Buddies. You can't throw the perfect bachelor party if you don't have the right entourage with you. This is very important. Don't invite guys that you know specialize in pooping parties. No kill joys, no punks. You know who they are. Do yourself a favor and forget to email these jerks. We want the party animal guys. We want the night owl, fun-loving, alcohol-indulging, women-chasing "Atomic Dogs" of your group. If you're reading this, we're assuming you're one of the wolves. If not, kindly disregard everything you've read here. Thank you.
4. Booze. There's no real explanation needed here. Nobody on this trip is sipping fruit juice all night. Maybe you didn't know this, but alcohol is nature's conduit to debaucherous activity. The right alcohol enhances everything. Let's not confuse anything at this point. You're trying to get wasted, that's the point here. You can't have the perfect bachelor party without the booze. No choir boys here, unless of course they dig the church wine. Don't worry about driving drunk, that's why we rent limos or call cabs.
5. Babes. It is imperative that you guys surround yourselves with hot women all night. The point is to show your friend what he'll be missing once he willfully puts on the worlds smallest handcuff. Temptation, temptation, beautiful temptation. What's a bachelor party without hot girls? A sword fest. And none of you are medieval knights. Throwing a bachelor party without women is like playing a pick up game of basketball without a ball. Enough said.
6. Bury it. When the event is over, it's over. That night can only be discussed in the most secretive of places with only the people that attended. By absolutely no means can the women folk hear about it. Any videos, pictures or any other incriminating evidence needs to be promptly placed in a safety deposit box. The key to said box should be given to the best man. He in turn should bury said key where only he can find it.

Have fun, and be safe. Send your buddy off right.