If you are crawling to the toilet but not hungover, it may be time to learn how to treat pulled back muscles. Your spine is what separates you from the invertebrates and allows you to lord your species’ dominance over the entire planet. Taking care of your twisted spine is important.
To treat pulled back muscles, you will need:
- Medicate me. The first thing you need to treat pulled back muscles is ibuprofen. If you are uninsured and on the Walk It Off health plan, buy the generic ones at the store and take between 600mg to 800mg three times a day. Take them after you eat a full meal with an entire glass of water. Ibuprofen helps your constricted and inflamed muscles relax. This allows the blood flow to return and promotes healing.
- Happy me. A big mistake people make when trying to treat pulled back muscles is partying on opiate painkillers like vicodin or percocet. The pills make you happy. Happy enough to sit upright, slouch and cruise around and TV becomes awesome…but you may also be harming yourself even more. Pain has a very useful function in your species. It tells you, “Hey man! Stop doing that!” So go easy on the pain killers. Try and take them only before bed and save the rest for when you feel better.
- Heat me. Heat is a great way to treat pulled back muscles. Heat helps relieve the tension. You can buy heat patches that stick to your skin and heat up. Some people enjoy menthol rubs. If you have a weak back in general, you should invest in a heating pad and an extension cord. Trust me; you will lay on it a lot. As your back gets stronger and you find yourself able to put on your pants without crying, start taking hot baths. Bring a book and soak your pulled muscles.
- Tweak me. The hardest part about pulled back muscles is it takes forever to find a comfortable position to recline in, especially at night. If you sleep on your side, one trick is to slip a pillow between your knees. This takes pressure of your pulled muscles. If you just hurt yourself and are in agony, you may have to lie on the floor. Unless you inhabit a cave, your floor is flat and feels perfect when your back is sore. Plus, you can roll over and crawl to the bathroom easier.
- Help me. If you are all too familiar with the suffering caused from pulled back muscles, it may be time for some professional help. Bad backs are tricky. Sometimes you can toss boulders like Hercules but when you bend over to sneeze, you collapse screaming. There are many core strengthening exercises you can incorporate in your daily wake up routine. From yoga stretches to abdominal crunches, there is something out there for everyone and their poor, twisted back muscles.
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