How to Understand Football

How to understand football? This seems like a strange question because you watch the game all the time, so of course you understand how football works.  However, let's say you have a new girlfriend and she has no idea how to understand football.  If you use these simple tools, your significant other will be able to know how to understand  football in no time.  In fact, she may be showing you some X's and O's.

  1. Just show her the end zones.  One of the basic, but most confusing parts of learning how to understand football, is figuring out the scoring system.  You can just tell your girlfriend that the boxes and the end of the field are "end zones" that are safety areas for the players. As soon as a player runs into one, they can't be touched and they score six points for their team. After the player gets the six points, his team can decide if they want to get the ball through the yellow goal for an "extra point" or if they want to try to get the ball back into the end zone in order to get two points.  Once your girlfriend can understand the scoring, she will be well on the path to knowing how to understand football. Your girlfriend will not only be impressed with your knowledge of football, but she will also be impressed with your understanding of relationships.
  2. Explain the downs. The second step in teaching your girlfriend how to understand football is to explain to her the downs.  You can explain downs to her as if they were dates.  For example, each team on offense (a man) gets four downs (1 date) to move the ball ten yards (impress or charm a woman) in order to get another first down (another date or chance with the woman).  If the team does not get a first down (second date) they are forced to punt (go home dejectedly).  With this analogy, your girlfriend will not only understand football better, but she will also find you to be much cleverer than she imagined.
  3. Offensive and Defensive Organization. The third basic premise that will teach your girlfriend how to understand football is explaining how the offense and defense are organized.  All you need to explain to her is that on offense there is a quarterback (you may want to avoid Tom Brady as an example since most women are still sensitive to his recent misbehavior with Bridget Moynihan) who is protected by an "offensive line."  The quarterback tries to get the ball to the running back or the wide receivers in order to gain yardage to get a first down (refer to your date analogy here) or a touchdown.  Meanwhile, the defense tries to stop the quarterback and the rest of the offense.

This system may not work for every girlfriend, so you must be patient and try to explain these steps as clearly as possible. With the right amount of finesse and patience on your part, your new girlfriend will know how to understand football and will also learn how to appreciate the game.  And, if you do everything with perfection, she will appreciate you even more as well.

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