Pamela Anderson Sex Tape

Ah, the infamous Pamela Anderson sex tape. Talk about a life changing piece of audio visual treasure. High school kids grew hair on their chest, along with other places, after seeing that tape. Pamela Anderson was the hottest vixen of the '90s hands down. She graced the cover of Playboy with her presence. She then blew up the TV screen on "Baywatch." She made a bunch of bad movies, but we saw them anyway just because she was in them. "Barbwire" was a hot, steaming pile of horse manure but there's not a man reading this that wouldn't watch it again just to see Pamela Anderson. She was every man's dream girl. That unattainable sexual goddess that we would willfully sign our souls away to the demons just to taste. Then, by the grace of some loser, the Pamela Anderson sex tape surfaced.

In 1998, the lives of millions upon millions of kids with internet access changed forever. The world's hottest woman was on display for any and everyone to see. Yeah, yeah, she was Playboy's most popular nude model ever. Yeah, she appeared nude in many of the films she shot as well. But this was different. The Pamela Anderson sex tape added a human appeal to her. Before, she was the girl we used to empty petroleum jelly bottles to. We would fantasize how it would be to get between her perfectly shaped thighs and give her all we had. We dreamed about hearing her moan, about watching her do nasty stuff to our favorite body parts. Now, we got to see her at her most vulnerable. We got to see her do the things we'd give our left arms for her to do to us. And you know what? It made us want her even more.

All the Pamela Anderson sex tape accomplished was to strengthen her grip on the male masses. She took what should have been a damaging incident and turned it into a career, no, a mystic boosting tool. Like Super Mario and his mushroom, The Pamela Anderson sex tape just made her stronger. Made her sexier, more alluring. It fortified her perfect girl status. It increased her gravitational pull on the male sex drives of the planet.

As far as footage was concerned, most of the Pamela Anderson sex tape sucked. It was a bunch of lame ass, sappy "I love you baby" and "I want you lover." Oh, and Tommy Lee smoked some weed at one point. There may have been a total of five to ten minutes of Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson getting it on, but, that ten minutes or so was freaking awesome. And it was awesome simply because of the fact that we all loved her anyway. As of 2010, the tape is more than eleven years old but it's still jerk worthy because of that five to ten minutes that we got to see our goddess in such a vulnerable yet alluring state. The other sex tapes out today don't match up at all.

Pamela Anderson's sex tape will go down in history as the best sex tape ever. Why? Because men worldwide loved her anyway. She wasn't using the tape as a way to boost her popularity, because she was already at her zenith of notoriety. These socialites like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian used their "leaked" sex tapes to try to increase their respective spotlights. And frankly, the tapes sucked. I mean, who wants to see Ray J getting down on a tape? Their tapes don't add that vulnerability, that human side to them. They just look trashy, and they don't look like they know what they're doing. No, Pamela Anderson's sex tape showed us all who she really was. She's a real woman who happens to be really hot doing things that we all love to do and doing them well. That's what made us want her even more.