Safe Sex Education

Regardless of one’s gender or age, safe sex education is something everyone should have. Usually, people undergo sex-ed in high school, trying to stifle their juvenile giggles when shown diagrams of a penis and how conception occurs. However, in more recent years, many safe sex sources have leaned toward abstinence-only sex education; this method is not only useless, but is in no way practical. Come on, what kind of man would actually want to turn down potential nookie? So the whole “just say no” thing is a pretty big failure.

Safe sex is particularly imperative for men because, unlike women, they don’t have the option of having a say in how to handle an unwanted pregnancy. If they don’t want to be parents and their partners do, the men are screwed…and not in the good way. Unfortunately for the fellas, there aren’t many contraceptive options available either:

1. Condoms. When used correctly and consistently, condoms are nearly fail-proof. The malfunction rates on these things tend to come from people who don’t put them on right, resulting in the condom slipping off or breaking. And no, in contrast to what some may think, double-bagging your junk with two condoms will not offer auxiliary protection. In fact, friction between the two sheaths can make both of them break during sex.
2. Sterilization. This option is more efficient than condoms, but it’s also permanent…which may be a good thing. The no-scalpel version of this route is a minor and non-invasive process where you get the tiniest little hole poked in your scrotum (usually with local anesthesia) and the vas deferens is either cauterized, clipped, or tied shut. You may not even need any stitches since the puncture will be so small. This pretty much turns you into a human navel orange – all the juice with none of the seeds. And no, being sterile will not make you less of a man; all that sperm is still in you, but it’s just staying there rather than making little biological omelets with your lady’s eggs. A vasectomy will not, however, protect you from venereal disease.
3. Abstinence. This is by far the least realistic alternative on this list, but we chose to add it anyway. This one needs no explanation, really…the safest sex you can have is none at all. But as humans, we’ve all got urges we often want to sate and when opportunity comes knocking in the form of sexual pleasure, it’s very hard to turn it away. Like condoms, you have to use this method properly and regularly for the highest success rate – abstaining six days out of seven and getting it on with no barrier on the seventh day won’t protect you whatsoever.

That’s pretty much it. Safe sex is very important when being precarious could make you end up with unwanted children and STIs (some of which can be fatal). Wrap it, snip it, or hide it – take your pick, guys, because this is all you’ve got. And trust us, a condom costs far less than child support.

As an aside, here are a few things that will not work:

• Withdrawal/Pulling out. Countless men who depended on the pull-out method are now privileged with the title of ‘father.’ This is because sometimes you just can’t withdraw in time, and also because pre-ejaculate can contain traces of sperm - enough to cause pregnancy.
• Virginity. Doesn’t matter if it’s your first time or not, pregnancy and STDs can impinge on a virgin just as easily as someone who’s been having sex for a while.
• Trusting the lady. Regrettably, some women will flat-out mislead you…she’ll tell you she’s sterile, on birth control or will surreptitiously poke holes in condoms just to get you in bed. Then she’ll show up three years later on your doorstep with a toddler that looks like you, demanding child support. Unless you’ve known your lady for years and know she’s not this deceitful, do not trust a woman wholly with contraception.