Techno Artists

Techno Artists emerged right when music died. Coincidence? We think not. We blame techno for single-handedly murdering the music industry – mainly because we don't want to look as stupid as the O.J. Simpson jury, when "techno music" releases a book called, "If I Did It, Here's How It Would Have Done It."

The only good thing techno artists have given us is an excuse to bring back the Robot dance. This list of techno artists are public enemy number one (through five) of bringing a rise to techno and a downfall of the audible art as a whole.

  1. Skrillex. Now we know what you're thinking. Stop it. There is no way that you can argue dub-step is not techno music. That's like claiming you can have roll without rock. Skrillex may have contributed the most to the death by techno conspiracy. He remixes other techno songs, like Benny Benassi's "Cinema" and even dips into the classics, collaborating with The Doors.
  2. Dead Mau5. The jig is up when a music concert is more a fashion show than an entertaining night of performing arts. Clad in a robot Mickey Mouse helmet – somehow not sued for copyright infringement – and an abundance of laser lights and smoke machines make his shows easily mistaken for a rich teen's sweet sixteen or an overly extravagant bat mitzvah.
  3. Avicii. Emerging from Stockholm, Sweden, he's somehow found a way to bring those European customs into the States. If you've seen Techno Viking, you know what we're talking about.
  4. Nero. Nero is an electronic music group – emphasis on group – consisting of two techno artists and a vocalist making a sound that takes the equivalent talent and creativity of only one man, or in this case, female.
  5. Flux Pavilion. Taking his moniker from presumably part "Back to the Future," part free standing structure, he has seemed to accomplish nothing more and nothing less than the other four techno artists. Sounding identical to every other "musician" within the electronic world of noise, he's somehow gained fame and fortune.

The next time you listen to these techno artists thinking you're the hottest thing the world has ever seen since molten lava, turn the volume on your stereo down and ponder to yourself, "Are they really doing anything that I couldn't do?"  Anyone can push a button that makes noise and call it music.

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