There are many reasons to become a musician. After all, who hasn't dreamed of being a professional rock star? The musician leads a lifestyle that's different from the ones that mere mortals experience. There are probably a million reasons to be come a musician, but lay down the track, DJ, because here are the top 5!
1. No More Constant Grooming This reason to become a musician appeals to one of the most powerful forces in the universe – laziness. Sick of shaving every day? Of course you are – everyone hates shaving. How about combing your hair? Wearing clean clothes? Showering? These inconveniences are non-existent for the musician. All he has to do is roll out of bed, throw on some tight jeans and a too-small t-shirt and he's off! He might look like a homeless person when he walks down the street, but do homeless people carry guitar cases? With guitars in them?
2. Automatic Expertise in World Affairs and Other Political Issues If we've learned one thing from Bono, it's how to speak Spanish incorrectly. But if we've learned a second thing from Bono, it's that being a musician makes you a person of authority in pretty much any subject matter you can imagine. With Bono, it's AIDS prevention and awareness and world hunger. With you, it could be anything that you feel passionate about – tipping etiquette, texting while driving, male masseuses – the sky's the limit! Of all the reasons to become a musician, this is the most socially conscious. And if giving back to your community isn't a reason to become a musician, then we might as well all become accountants (or drummers).
3. The Respect of Your Peers The musician is highly respected by almost everyone in his group of peers. He has the respect of friends, acquaintances, old classmates…everyone except maybe his parents. Even the jerks that made fun of you in high school will be awed by your musical talents, badass album art, and respectable iTunes figures.
4. Copious Drugs and Alcohol This one is either a reason to become a musician or a reason to become a high school woodshop teacher. In the world of the musician, illegal drugs and sweet, sweet alcoholic beverages flow like honey within the Gates of Heaven. All of the musician's problems – drunk tour bus drivers, recording deadlines, contracts – melt away in a drug-and-alcohol-induced stupor. Then, after 20 or 30 years of this, you can sober up and get some sweet free publicity at the same time! Or you could go the Keith Richards route and get a new set of internal organs when the damage you've done to your body reaches critical mass. This is what the music industry refers to as a "win-win."
5. Wang Dang, Sweet Poon Tang It is a common stereotype that the musician is constantly surrounded by sexually ravenous young women who will do anything just to be able to tell their friends they "made it" with him. This stereotype is completely accurate. It is not known for sure what it is about the musician that makes him so irresistible to women – we suspect it has something to do with that "rocking devil-horn" gesture. Ah, sex with girls if there's such a thing as the number one reason to become a musician, this must be it by consensus.
Keep in mind that these are merely a sampling of the hundreds of reasons to become a musician. So if you're thinking about joining a band, or starting a band – remember these reasons to become a musician and keep it up! Because one thing is certain: It beats working.
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