If you’re wondering what to do if your girlfriend always wants to know what’s on your mind, chances are her questions bother you. Before you decide how to handle the situation, it’s crucial to figure out what’s motivating her to repeatedly ask what you’re thinking. If she’s invading your privacy and wants to know every thought that crosses your mind, maybe it’s time to reevaluate the relationship. But she might have other motivations and you don’t necessarily have to guess what those are.
Ask why she always wants to know what’s on your mind. Maybe she feels insecure about your relationship and wants to know you’re thinking about her. Maybe she sees the question as a way to get to know you better or express interest in your life. When you know why she’s asking, you can respond in ways that will reassure her and deepen your relationship.
Use your response to open a discussion about something important to you. This will also help you understand her motivations if you still aren’t sure after asking her. Does she want to get to know you better? Is she really interested in what’s on your mind or is she just making conversation in a non-effective way? Try a response like, “I’m thinking about something that happened at work today. Actually, I’d be really interested in your opinion…” and she how she reacts.
Answer the question with a compliment. “I’m thinking about how great you look in that color” or “I’m enjoying the way you tell a story” can help assuage her insecurities. Be genuine, of course, and don’t toss out a compliment every time she asks what you’re thinking. But make sure she knows one of the things on your mind is her.
- Ask what’s on her mind. It’s possible she hopes that if she asks what you’re thinking, you’ll reciprocate. So unless she’s just told you what she’s thinking about—in which case, “What’s on your mind?” would signal that you weren’t paying attention—try shifting the focus of the conversation to her: “I was just thinking about the football game last weekend. What’s on your mind right now?”
- Use your answer to suggest an activity you can do together. “Actually, food’s on my mind. Do you want to get some dinner?”
And here’s one more tip. If she breaks off a long story to ask what’s on your mind, she just wants to know you’re paying attention to what she’s saying. So give an answer that shows you’re listening. Halfway through the saga of her first heartbreak, she wants to hear that you’re sorry she was hurt so badly, not that you’re remembering that fourth-quarter touchdown or craving a beer.
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