posted
09/6/11
Millions of words are written about the start of the NFL season.
The experts are more than willing to share their vaunted opinions on which teams are bound for glory and which teams will fall face first.
For the most part, it’s all mind-numbing drivel.
So Made Man’s approach is all about keeping it short and sweet. What follows is the best haiku-style NFL preview you’ll read all year. (Note: teams listed in predicted order of finish. Playoff teams starred.)
AFC EAST
*1. New England Patriots
Chad and Al join Tom
But can Bill win in playoffs
Or will Pats go Ugg?
*2. New York Jets
Sanchez should improve
Hitting Plax over the top
Defense wins wild cards
3. Buffalo Bills
Marcell, Stevie star
But this brutal division
Clips Buffalo wings
4. Miami Dolphins
Kim K ex wants ball
Can anyone get it to him?
Coach Meatball is cooked
AFC NORTH
*1. Baltimore Ravens
Flacco hits best stride
Quoth D Ravens, “Never score”
Home playoff game time
*2. Pittsburgh Steelers
Woodley plays for keeps
Fat-ass Flozell gone for good
Ben’s boys draw wild card
3. Cleveland Browns
Young Colt throws and grows
Hillis not your average star
But Browns D line stinks
4. Cincinnati Bengals
Palmer takes ball home
Bengals wideouts all alone
Cincy cellar bound
AFC SOUTH
*1. Houston Texans
Heartbreak sent packing
Schaub-Johnson go for glory
Playoffs…finally
2. Indianapolis Colts
Peyton’s neck a pain
Aging D falling as fast
As window’s closing
3. Tennessee Titans
Johnson’s flash nets cash
Hasselbeck’s skills eroded
Munchak endures pain
4. Jacksonville Jaguars
Bumbling Garrard cut
Jones-Drew tweets with every score
Adios, Del Rio
AFC WEST
*1. San Diego Chargers
Raging Rivers rolls
Sanders bring defensive glue
Weak west won, again
2. Oakland Raiders
Al’s crew climbing high
Seymour reborn, Kelly fine
Contending ahead
3. Kansas City Chiefs
Charles runs with speed, flair
Cassel may be under siege
D must rule the day
4. Denver Broncos
Fox inherits mess
Can we stop talking Tebow?
Running backs impress
Click “Next Page” for NFC haikus and a Super Bowl one.
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