The pen is mightier than the sword, but if you think about it, neither one really stands a chance in a fire fight. Luckily for the violent wordsmiths among us, Stinger Penguns cover all of the bases. Then shoot them.

Penguns are totally illegal, by the way, because they look like pens except that they shoot bullets (potentially into people). That’s not a very safe thing to have in the office supply closet. The Stingers, though, aren’t illegal because in order to fire them, you have to fold them into the “recognizable shape of a pistol.”

Stinger went out of business (weird, right?) but you can still find their famous pen guns in the usual places for rare and unusual fire arms such as or