a-pair-of-fine-leather-balls

Whether you call them huevos, gonads or simply balls, you’re probably pretty attached to your testicles. While the prostate is the true seat of male virility, few things are more identified with masculinity than the testes. You want to take care of them so they give you many years of reliable service, and to do that you’re going to have to pay them a bit more attention than you already are. Here’s how.

Touch Your Balls
Much as it’s important for women to check their breasts once a month, it’s important for you to do the same with your boys. Do it while taking a hot shower so they’re hanging nice and low and easy to get a hold on. We swear, we’re not making this up. Feel around the whole of each testicle for any lumps that weren’t there before. Even the smallest lump could be cause for concern, but don’t panic. According to the American Cancer Society, the survival rate for testicular cancer is 95 percent, which jumps to 99 if you catch it before it spreads. Even men whose cancer has spread to the lymph nodes have a survival rate of 96 percent. If it has spread further, your survival rate is still 71 percent. Lesson: spend one shower per month playing with your balls. Do it the day of the month your birthday is on, because it’s the easiest to remember.

Get Regular Checkups
In case this is the only Movember article you’re reading here: go to the doctor, at least once a year, and especially if you do encounter a lump. Quit being such a baby—do you have any idea what they do to women when they go to the doctor? We get that seeing a physician can be scary, but you have to remember something important: they’re going to find a problem, not cause one. The best way to avoid getting really sick is to see a doctor and catch something early on. This will prevent a potentially small problem from becoming a big, unmanageable one. Wouldn’t you much rather have survival odds of 99 percent than 71?

a pair of seriously big stones in christchurch, new zealand
Until further notice, the obligatory caption here is, “Wow, talk about a big pair of stones…”

Eat to Win
Science has yet to ID any foods that specifically prevent testicular cancer. You can, however, eat foods that will lower your general cancer risk. There are hundreds of studies on this topic, so we’ll keep it simple: eat fresh fruits and veggies every day. Beta-carotene is considered one of the most powerful antioxidants in the fight against developing cancer in the first place, and lots of fruits and veggies have them. Foods rich in beta-carotene include sweet potatoes, green peppers, winter squash, potatoes (leave the skin on!), oranges, strawberries and broccoli. Eat up, buttercup.

You Only Get One Pair
You want to stay in good health, but some parts of the body are nearer and dearer to your heart than others. Checking your testicles regularly, getting out to the doctor once a year for a checkup and eating the rights foods will make sure you get lots of mileage out of the lads. Keeping them trim and tidy for a ladies is just a bonus.