What on God’s green Earth could possibly outweigh a heaving pair of sweater kittens? Is there anything truly better than a perfectly curvaceous duo of dirty pillows? Can anything come close to matching the pleasure of driving a motorboat?

Surely not. But "Things Better Than Boobs" is not afraid of tackling such an enormous(ly sexy) question. Its author, Theodore Raspbury, no doubt spent thousands of painstaking hours hunched over in his laboratory observing and re-observing every possible permutation of the boob. He must’ve stared at so many boobs his eyes grew nipples.

But, at long last, he has come to his answer. Inside the cover of “Things Better Than Boobs,” you, dear reader, will find out just exactly what it is that is better than boobs.  Trust us, you will be very surprised