Here are a couple of spreads most don’t know about

O’Hare Spread (from Trader Magazine) The tactic in which a trader assumes an enormous position while simultaneously buying a plane ticket out of the country as a hedge against the position going horribly wrong and bankrupting him. Usage: My name is Ethan Kass and I just shorted Google but I’m doing fine here in Cabo because I put on the O’Hare Spread’

Butter Spread (mine) When one side of your trade is in the money but the other side of your position is invested in a Stripper at Scores. Usage. I would have made tons on my trade Butter tits were so nice I gave it all away.

Cramer/Greenberg Spread : A spread were you go short and then have your buddy ( Herb Greenberg works well) bash the hell out of your stock and split the money. Important part of the spread is to make sure at the bottom of your bash to point out that the basher owns no stock long or short at all. Usage: I watched Cramer last night and he had Greenberg on last night and he hated the stock so much said it was the worst stock in the world. Good thing I had the Cramer/Greenberg Spread on.

The Anshul Rustagi Spread: This is where you take a position in collateralised debt obligations (CDO’s) and then take out a fake position to make it look like you made money. Usage : No matter what, this trade is going to make huge money and my bonus is going to be enormous thanks to my Anshul Rustagi Spread.

Nigerian Oil Spread: Half of your position is long oil and the other half is invested in a Nigerian military group that attacks oil wells and drives up world oil prices. Difficult to put on but can be very lucrative.
Usage: I got a letter the other day asking for help from a man in Africa. Next thing I know I’m tied up in Nigeria while they steal my money to put on a Nigerian Oil Spread.

Brokeback Mountain Trade: Its when you act like you are on one side of a trade in the pits but secretly you have taken the other side.

That’s all I can make up for today.

By