It’s the fifth day of May, and let me just say, this is not your usual holiday. In the time-honored U.S. tradition of co-opting other countries and cultures’ holidays into something altogether different, Cinco de Mayo is celebrated here in the states as a huge party, while it’s mostly ignored in the country of its origin. It really signifies an underdog victory for Mexico against a highly trained French army in the late 1860’s, instead of an excuse to get obliterated on bargain liquor (see St. Patrick’s Day, Mardi Gras, etc.).

If that characterization is a little too crass for you, then you can consider this holiday a celebration of anyone with Mexican ancestry and its particularly vibrant, rich part in the American melting crockpot of beans. Now, our countries are inextricably tied together socially and economically, and we’d like to honor today one of Mexico’s greatest exports: exotic, fiery, gorgeous women.

Laura Harring

Speaking of American imperialism and transmogrifying Mexico’s assets into something that benefits us, Ms. Harring is one of many actresses that have struck it big in the US after being born in Mexico. She was born in Sinaloa and has made a respectable career in mainsteam and more art house films, notably David Lynch’s psycho-noir thriler Mulholland Drive. If you haven’t seen her steamy, touching lesbian sex scene with Naomi Watts, just stop reading this and rent that movie right now. You can probably stop reading anyway, just look at the pictures.

Ninel Conde

 Ninel is a very popular and talented telenovela actress/singer from Toluca, Mexico. Her Chickipedia page, written in Spanish, describes Ninel thusly: "Actualmente es una de las reinas de la música regional mexicana, donde destaca por su belleza y talento." Roughly, that translates to, "She’s the Queen of Hot." In the boots she’s wearing above, I’d be hard pressed to disagree, wouldn’t you? You weren’t looking at her boots? Booty? Ohh right, that might be the reason then.

Ines Gomez Mont

Ms. Mont hails from Mexico City, the country’s capital and one of the places with the poorest air conditions and pollution regulations on the face of the earth. Originally, authorities maintained that most people felt breathless from watching Ines on Azteca TV every night; however, those claims were eventually refuted and later attributed to the gigantic, stifling clouds of smog hovering over the city. Still, the 26 year old beauty is talented and accomplished enough to take any man’s breath away without destroying the ozone. She might be most famous for her stunt at Super Bowl XLII in which she pretended to throw herself at Tom Brady, asking him to marry her. As if you needed another excuse to hate Tom Brady, a woman this gorgeous should not have to beg for his betrothal.

Paulina Flores

You probably looked at Ms. Flores pic and thought that she was just another smoking hot Mexican model…and you’d be wrong. She’s a world famous beauty queen. Which is, like, being a super model plus game show contestant all in one. Much harder to pull off; just ask Miss California–and leave marriage out of it. Anyway, Paulina became Miss Mexico awhile back in 2000 and then represented her country at the Miss World competition in London. At 5’10", her tall and beautiful frame is coveted by a host of designers and she’s been a world-class model for years. If you want to be around tall women, become a short fashion designer.

Maite Perroni

I can tell that you, faithful reader, have been a fan of Menudo since way back. I can see that Ricky Martin poster in the corner of your room…Chickipedia sees all. So, you must be a fan of RBD as well, the band lucky enough to have the stunningly sexy and fresh-faced Maite as a member. She’s also an actress, having played a popular role on the show Rebelde, and she’s engaged to her band director. I knew I should’ve stuck with those Latin big band conductor lessons.

Ana De La Reguera

Remember a little movie called Nacho Libre, Jack Black’s collaborative masterpiece with the guys who made Napoleon Dynamite? It was basically a watered-down swill of ND with more fart sounds, which is basically the worst thing you can say about a film. Anyway, Ana was the smoking hot nun in that film, and its one saving grace (biblical pun not intended). She’s been a famous actriz in Mexico for years and gained some spicy exposure by exposing herself in a nude scene for her film Paraiso Travel. Look for her to start taking the roles usually given to Penelope Cruz in the future.

Here’s a few mas babes just for good measure…take a tequila shot in honor of each beautiful lady on the list tonight and I guarantee you’ll have a great Cinco de Mayo. A good Seís de Mayo, however, might not be in the cards.

Elsa Benitez

Fabiola Campomanes

Extra points for a super caliente name.

Luz Elena Gonzalez