Spring break is right around the corner for this nation’s high school kids, college students and Matthew McConaughey. That means it’s time to party. It also means it’s time for safety tips. When the Centers for Disease Control is not busy battling swine flu, it makes safety lists like this one to harsh your mellow. The government does not mean to kill your buzz. I don’t think it honestly cares what happens between you, a twelve of PBR and a coed in a Jamaican hot tub. The CDC just wants you to live through your college years so that you can survive the next global pandemic, after which we all will be forced to live underground in ice mines.

The CDC’s spring break safety list is a bit drab in tone and presentation. So I have spiced it up a bit with photos of beautiful women in skimpy clothing. Heed these sexy warnings!

Limit alcohol

If drinking alcohol is part of your break, remember that it can impair your judgment and actions. Alcohol-related motor vehicle crashes kill someone every 31 minutes and non-fatally injure someone every two minutes. Don’t drink and drive. There are plenty of non-alcoholic alternatives.

You know who would approve of this? Former Pepsi spokesperson…

Gabrielle Richens

Be active

You’ve probably been sitting most of the year working at the computer, studying or in class. During the break, take the opportunity to start a fitness program. Do a variety of fun activities like walking, dancing, playing volleyball, swimming and more. It doesn’t need to be hard to be beneficial. Avoid injury by starting any new activity slowly. Be active for at least 2 1/2 hours a week. Include activities that raise your breathing and heart rates and that strengthen your muscles.

You know who would approve of this? Tennis star…

Elena Dementieva

Plan a successful trip

If you are going on a trip, be prepared. Are vaccinations required? Are there special food, destination or other things you need to consider ahead of time? If you are taking medications, do you have enough for the trip? Know what’s happening en route or at your travel destination.

You know who would approve of this? Uber-organized secretary Joan from “Mad Men,” AKA…

Christina Hendricks

Protect yourself

Love is all around, and so are sexually transmitted diseases. The only 100 percent sure way to prevent sexually transmitted diseases and unintended pregnancy is by not having sex. If you choose to have sex, using latex condoms and having a monogamous, uninfected partner may help lower your risk. Women are more likely to be victims of sexual violence than men. Women who experience both sexual and physical abuse are significantly more likely to have sexually transmitted diseases. Take precautions and avoid situations or persons that may place you at risk for harm.

You know who would approve of this? Hepatitis C poster girl…

Pamela Anderson

Watch your step

There may be temptations on your break that involve different or high-risk activity. Think twice before putting yourself at risk for injury. Be sure to use appropriate safety gear before venturing out, such as seat belts, life vests or knee pads. Remember that unintentional injuries kill more Americans in their first three decades of life than any other cause of death. In fact, injuries (both unintentional and those caused by acts of violence) are among the top ten killers for Americans of all ages.

You know who would approve of knee pad safety? Porn star…

Jenna Jameson

Know the ropes

When swimming and boating, know what’s expected and what you can do to prevent injury or death for yourself and others. Know how to swim. Wear your life jacket while boating. Avoid alcoholic beverages while boating. Complete a boating education course. Participate in the vessel safety check program.

You know who would approve of smart water safety? Olympic swimmer …

Amanda Beard

Protect yourself from the sun

After a cold winter, it’s tempting to stay in the hot sun all day. Although getting a little sun can have some benefits, excessive and unprotected sun exposure can result in premature aging, changes in skin texture, and skin cancer. Always wear sunscreen with at least SPF 15. For eye protection, wear wraparound sunglasses that provide 100 percent UV ray protection.

You know who would approve of smart tanning? Former Miss Hawaiian Tropic…

Shana Hiatt

Eat healthy

Having fun takes energy and fuel. Be sure to eat a variety of foods, including plenty of vegetables, fruits and whole grain products. Also include low-fat dairy products, lean meats, poultry, fish and legumes. Drink lots of water and go easy on the salt, sugar, alcohol and saturated fat. Good nutrition should be part of an overall healthy lifestyle, including regular physical activity, not smoking and stress management.

You know who knows all about mixing fast food and staying in shape? Carl’s Jr. Spicy Buffalo Wing spokesmodel…

Ashley Hartman

Be smoke-free

Avoid smoking and secondhand smoke. Just 20 minutes after smoking that last cigarette, your body begins a series of positive changes that continue for years. Quitting is one of the best things you can do for yourself and others.

You know who would approve of snuffing out smoke? Smoke Monster bait…

Emilie de Ravin

Get help

If you or a friend has an alcohol or drug problem, has thoughts of suicide, or is in crisis for any reason, get help. Call 911 for emergency services, 800-662-4357 for substance abuse help, and 800-273-TALK (8255) for the national suicide prevention lifeline.

You know who would approve of wanting to keep you alive because she is an awesome woman whom I am going to marry someday? Victoria’s Secret model…

Miranda Kerr

For more safety info go to: http://www.cdc.gov/family/springbreak/

For more Miranda Kerr photos go to: http://www.mademan.com/chickipedia/miranda-kerr/photosgallery/