Hey there big guy, you look tired. Maybe you need to deprogram, unplug, relax, and unwind for a while. Tired of Vegas benders and fishing trips without showers, though? You’re not 21 anymore (unless you’re 21, then you should probably go to Vegas).
Get a spa day. There’s no shame in it – this is 2010, guy. You’re a grown-ass man and you’ve got aches and pains because that’s what men have, but thankfully there’s an entire industry designed to alleviate those aches and pains. Getting a spa day doesn’t mean you’re going to be having mud facials all day either. Many spas have specifically masculine menus, nowadays. So check out these spa treatments just for men.
You’re a weekend warrior, and you’ve got wounds to heal. An athletic massage is a higher pressure massage designed to work the tension out of highly-muscled athletes that require a different style and intensity of massage to get the same relief as a normie would. A word of warning – athletic massages are sometimes so intense that they are somewhat uncomfortable or painful. Pressing that hard is necessary, though, in order to flush the musculature with blood and – put simply – rinse out any toxins or lactic acid that may be built up therein.
Tip: Be honest with your therapist. Tell her to focus on particular areas or if you’re massage is going too hard. You’re a unique and special snowflake, and you deserve to be professionally kneaded like one.
Emphasis on Man. A man’s manicure is a completely different ordeal than its feminine counterpart. Sure, they’ll clip and file your nails, but you’re not getting them polished. Some establishments will buff your nails, but that just makes them look slightly smoother, not shiny or flashy. The best part of the manicure, though, is the hot towels followed by moisturizing forearm massage. If you work online at all (doesn’t everybody) your keyboarding muscles are tighter and more fatigued than you’d probably like to admit. A manicure is a good way to relieve an oft-neglected area of tension.
Tip: Ask for unscented oils and lotions.
Those poor pedicure artists. Depending on the man, this can be a real chore for them. If you’re a blogger, they may have an easy go of it. The benefits of such a procedure are much the same as the manicure. Your feet and lower legs will feel refreshed, and the accompanying extremity massage is definitely a relief. But if you’re mean to your feet (like a lot of men), this obviously has larger implications. Think about the pedicures that Lance Armstrong gets after destroying his feet for a month in the Tour de France. Disgusting but necessary.
A facial conjures up images of baby-puke-colored mud masks with avocados over your eyes, but that is not what the man facial is all about at all. Many spas – including the Ritz – offer male-specific hot towel and facial treatments for men which include towel wraps and treatments to open the pores and smooth the skin. Not only are some spas willing to give you a legitimate straight razor shave, but the skin treatment will make shaving for you easier for days after.
Tip: Don’t shave for 12 hours before you go.
There’s a lot of different ‘speciality’ massages. Most of them, though, do not include a hand job. Some do. But most don’t. Our advice is to call the manager of an establishment and ask what each of the masseuses specialties are. There’s not playbook for massage therapy, really. A custom massage is something a masseuse can make up on the fly based on what you think you’d like or what your body needs. One of our favorites was at the Lake Arrowhead resort – they have a Y-fi massage that focuses on the Y-shaped region of your arms neck and shoulders that many people who work on a computer find gathers tension. Then again, if you want a hand job, you can always do this.
Tip: Call around ahead of time to find the spa that fits the bill.
Back hair waxing
If you don’t want to go the DIY back shaving route like the infamous NASCAR back hair guy, you can always get that professionally taken care of. Anywhere that offers waxing will accommodate a man wanting his back hair waxed – it’s actually one of the simplest areas for hair removal. If you’re especially concerned, look for a waxing specialist as opposed to a general salon. Try a waxer specializing in Brazillians for women – there is no procedure more delicate than that, so your back will be no problem.
Tip: For semi-permanent results that cost a little more money, consider electrolysis. Otherwise, get ready for the big hurt, buddy.