‘Monogamy’ to most dudes sounds a lot like ‘Boring Rut’. Okay, the two sound nothing alike, but it sure seems like it. So, to try and get ‘Boring Rut’ to sound more like ‘Hot Constant Relationship’ can be a challenge. Being in a monogamous situation has a sigma that is unfortunate — because it can actually be pretty okay — with a couple of tweaks. Things can get stale if you let it, so here are a few tips to make stuff have a little more pep. They’re simple and they’re relatively free. Employ them and reap the monogamy benefits. Just shoot us a thank-you comment later.

Disclaimer: This is not about changing her. Be prepared.

Swap Sides of the Bed

It sounds silly, but most couples have their designated sides of the bed seemingly built in from birth. It’s not always something that is talked about or predetermined, it just happens. And the routine continues throughout their relationships. We learned to switch it up every few months. Why? Because it works. When you usually go left, you now need to go right — you know what I’m talking about, you Devils — a zig is now a zag, duck is now a…well, probably still a duck, but you get the picture. Depending on your situation, you either need to verbally tell your partner that you want to swap sides of the bed every couple of months, or just beat her to the bed while she is brushing her teeth and set up shop on her side. She will have no choice but to sleep on your side of the bed. However you make it happen, it will lead to good things. Very good things.

Change Your Look

She does this at least every two months. She changes her hair style/color, decides to wear glasses instead of contacts, and cleans out her closet after a shopping spree because someone on Oprah suggested a new ‘style’. We have scoffed at this sort of activity in the past, but when you actually try it, things start to get interesting. Simple things like wearing jeans that aren’t from 1998 does start to make your relationship better. A lot of us also used to do the baggy shirt thing. When you switch to shirts that hug you, she suddenly wants to be closer to you a little more — especially in public. And that will do wonders for your ego…and feelings towards her. To make it all come together, come home with your hair a completely different flavor. If you’ve gone grey over the years, go dark brown. Do it and we’ll put money on the fact that she will change her hair and step up her game within the week. And that’s hot. You know what we’re getting at…

Dance With Other Chicks

We’re not sure why, but your lady loves to be jealous. Even though she may give you lip about it, she is kinda’ into the fact that another chick might be into you. Even if she isn’t into you. This includes dancing with another girl or at least chatting one up when your monogamy gal is in the bathroom or something. Now when we say dance or chat up, we don’t mean a grind sort of thing or tongue down the throat sort of thing. We mean to simply dance. Or to be charming. Your lady will pretend she is mad, but then she’ll spend the next several weeks/months proving while she is better. F-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c. Do this three times per year. Just to keep her honest, of course.

Anyway, healthy jealousy cures cheating.  David Buss, Ph.D says: 

"Jealousy is not a sign of immaturity, but rather a supremely important passion that helped our ancestors, and most likely continues to help us today, to cope with a host of real reproductive threats. It drives us to keep partners from straying with tactics such as escalating vigilance or showering a partner with affection. And it communicates commitment to a partner who may be wavering, serving an important purpose in the maintenance of love."

The Grass is Not Always Greener

After you have been in a relationship for a while, you will naturally start to think about how great you had it, or how great your buddy has it, or even how great you think you might have it if you were not in said monogamous relationship. And after a few months of thinking this way, you will become obsessed to the point that your relationship is sucking the life out of you. Yeah. It’s a downer. Well, guess what? You probably have it better than the majority of dudes out there. Take a moment and actually focus on your relationship. Number one, you have a woman that hasn’t dumped your ass yet. Number two, you remember all that bitching your friends do about their wives/girlfriends/chick they have known for a while? Their stories are usually way worse than anything you can come up with. Nod your head, say “That sucks, Dude!” and go home and be with your woman. Their plight will make you want her even more. Because it does suck out there. Alone. And, as you know, cheaters never prosper: 

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Do Something Different

Even after a couple of years in a monogamous union, the regular holidays and anniversaries can start to become routine. Going out to dinner — with roses — for your anniversary or Valentines Day becomes assumed. The weekend will usually bring a visit to a friend’s house for pizza and beer and the major holidays will involve splitting time between both of your families. Definitely not hot for a relationship. You both need to decide to break that mold right now. To make things hotter, you have to throw your life, schedule and all, into a pretend blender and hit “puree”. Instead of going out to dinner for an anniversary, rent a boat and hit a lake/body of water/pond with a meal you packed for her. Instead of meeting up with family for Thanksgiving, tell them you’ll see them next year and spend the holiday alone with her in a city neither of you are familiar with (Boise, Idaho) — watching the Lions lose again in a dive bar and not eating turkey. Just that you know how to keep things exciting and mix it up will make her want to jump on you immediately…and continue doing that for months to come. And when she is doing that, you will be a happy bloke.

Be Complimentary

Say something nice for a change, ya’ Jerk. No matter what is going on in your relationship, there is something nice to say. For real. We can’t spoon-feed you a bunch of fortune cookie compliments, so step up and say something nice on your own! When you’ve been in a relationship for more then a drunken night after the local watering hole decided to kick the two of you out, you are in it for a reason. We assume. And you can certainly come up with something nice to say about her now. Try it. She will reward you with four times the amount of compliments that you likely do not deserve. And hit you up with some other great fancy stuff…that guys tend to love, too. It’s not a ‘cheap date sort of thing’ — it’s a ‘being a man in a committed relationship sort of thing’. You’re with her. You’re committed. She is committed. Say some nice stuff and have some monogamous fun.

Put the Focus on Food

How much does food come into play in our lives? Quite a bit, considering we’d be dead without it. But if you really break it down, food is also like 1/4th of a successful — steady — relationship. So start making food a huge part of your life with her. Make dinner for her one night a week. Then make dinner together another night of the week. Eat dinner out one night a week — but don’t go to the same crappy place. However, eat dinner out again once a week and go to the same local spot because that is what a hot relationship is. A mis. It’s a schedule and a routine and a little different every week. And for sure, at least four nights per week, it’ll be different. Your lady will be into your romantic side and the fact that you enjoy the part that food plays in your relationship. Oh, and to change gears, food can also work it’s way into the bedroom. We’ll leave it at that…and your creativity. And another article soon to come…

Embrace Spontaneity

This is the biggest “no s**t” portion of your hot monogamy plan. You have to break the routine. Guys have routines, we know this. But women do as well. And you must break out of that. Because if not, monogamy becomes monotony. See what we did there — with the whole words sounding alike thing? — well, it’s true. Break out of the routine. Come home for lunch and not actually have lunch — if you get the drift. Plan on watching the 11 o’clock news, then give her an ‘update’ she wasn’t expecting. We could go on and on with sad cliches, but the bottom line is that you have to NOT have a routine in order to keep your one-on-one union spicy. Because no one wants to read, hear, or watch the same story every day.