Ever wonder why women expect you to hold doors for them—and then later that night artfully dominate them in bed?

Well, it’s a paradox. Many of us want to be assertive in the workplace because we have to be, but sexually being bossed around, manhandled, and even objectified can be liberating. How do you do it right?

Not unlike a majestic mullet, it’s all about business in the front and party in the back. Or to put it more literally, respect her in life so that you can disrespect her in bed…

It would shock you how many filthy things women will do with men who appreciate and listen to them.

1. Make Us Feel Safe
We want to trust you enough to feel safe surrendering to you sexually. It’s going to be difficult for us to let go completely if we’re worried that you’re going to tell everyone you know what our vagina looks like, or do something without our consent, or treat us differently afterward. There’s a long history of double standards attached to sexuality, so be patient with us. Because I can promise you, a lot of women love hot, nasty sex.

Whether you’ve been with us for five years or one night, be authentic and put in the effort to ask us questions, listen to our responses, and treat us with kindness and consideration. I know you don’t love hearing about Jenny from work’s shitty ex-boyfriend or how adorable my sister’s new baby is, so trust me, listening to some of my lame-ass stories goes a long way. It would shock you how many filthy things women will do with men who appreciate and listen to them.

Every person is different, but exploration becomes infinitely more exciting when we know we can count on you to defend our character and treat us like dignified ladies outside the bedroom… after nights with a special collection of butt plugs, spanking, hair pulling and more.

2. Create a Power Dynamic
What a lot of us are seeking, essentially, is a kind of polarity. Let me explain: Eroticism is not the place for political correctness. If every action in bed had to be hygienic and respectful, it would leave sex feeling like wings without sauce, and who the fuck wants that? Dude, you’re sharing fluids, not attending a business dinner or brunch with your mother-in-law. So, don’t be afraid to push the envelope and explore introducing toys, rougher sex, dirty talk or any other kinky fantasies you’ve been saving. We’re going to tell you if we don’t like something and it can feel intimidating or vulnerable to ask for certain acts, so take chances and if you surprise us with something new, it may actually go over well.

It can be exhilarating to take on a different persona in bed, knowing that we don’t have to be “strong” or in control to be respected. I get to express my power in a seductive, sensual way, that’s more receptive and comfortable for me. That’s not to say I won’t make demands or be assertive, as I want to experience just as much pleasure. But the approach will look much different than if I were asking you to take out the trash or sit through three seasons of Downton Abbey with me.

3. Talk About It
When you finish having a wild romp, talk about it. It’s super helpful to know what your partner loves and wants more of, and what they could go without. The more truthful you are, the more doors you open to experiment down the road. Give your girl the space and freedom to explore her sexuality with you. The more attention and enthusiasm you show us, the more likely we are to release our sexy, naughty inner nymphos.


Photo: iStock/VikaValter