These brave captains of industry were named by the Associated Press as the 10 highest paid CEOs of 2007 among the S&P 500’s largest companies. Obviously, it’s an enormous amount of responsibility and requires a tremendous amount of stress to run one of these large institutions, but that doesn’t mean we can cut these guys any slack.
This list just goes to show that no matter how many millions of dollars you make a year, your most embarrassing moments will always find a way to the surface. So without further introduction, I present the the 10 Highest Paid CEOs And Their Most Embarrassing Photos:
1.) Larry Ellison, Oracle Corp., $84.6 million
Larry Ellison may be the king of Silicon Valley as the CEO of Oracle, but he still knows how to have a good time and unwind with a classic American hot dog. While grunting painfully and getting mustard all in his beard, Larry was able to show his softer side and earn the largest CEO paycheck on the block.
2.) John Thain, Merrill Lynch & Co., $83.1 million
These days John Thain, CEO of Merrill Lynch, closely resembles Superman’s alter-ego Clark Kent, but the same couldn’t be said of him in his high school days. I don’t want to give the Thain-ster a hard time for this one, because this yearbook photo is pretty badass, but needless to say, he has bulked up quite a bit since his afro days.
3.) Leslie Moonves, CBS Corp., $67.6 million
Leslie Moonves, CEO and President of the CBS Corporation, is a childhood hero of mine for having the BALLS AND AUDACITY to green-light such TV classics as Wings, Survivor, and CSI. And, in reality, it’s no big deal that Da Moon has a fan club of people who hate him, or that Howard Stern proudly displayed his distaste for the CEO via T-shirt on David Letterman. The real embarrassment comes from being associated with Howard Stern at all. Tough break, Les.
4.) Richard Adkerson, Freeport-McMoran Copper & Gold Inc., $65.3 million
Good ole Dick Adkerson may not be popping up on your radar these days, but he should. He’s the CEO of Freeport, one of the world’s largest gold and copper producers. But it seems the good people at the Phoenix New Times blog have a bone to pick with the man. While it might seem obvious to both you and I for a critic of a gold company producer to make a poorly photoshopped satire using an Austin Powers’ Goldmember theme (instead of Dr. Evil), the Phoenix bloggers were probably so filled with hate that they couldn’t be held accountable for the lack of creativity in this rendering.
5.) Bob Simpson, XTO Energy Inc., $56.6 million
I commend Bob Simpson, CEO of XTO Energy (an oil and natural gas provider), for having virtually no digital images of himself on all of the Interwebs. I had to personally break into his beautiful Ft. Worth, TX home with a scanner to find this image. Given the dearth of material, it was difficult to find something incriminating or even mildly embarrassing about the guy. However, if the nickname “Sideshow” Bob (from the) Simpsons hasn’t caught on yet, I sure hope it will after this post sees daylight.
6.) Lloyd Blankfein, Goldman Sachs Group Inc., $53.9 million
OK, I know what you’re thinking, but hear me out on this one first! Lloyd Blankfein is top dog on the block as the CEO of Goldman Sachs, arguably the most successful and profitable big bank on Wall Street. They practically took a piss on the credit crisis and haven’t looked back since. Given his track record, it seems fair to give undue criticism to Lloyd, and besides, the resemblance is truly uncanny here. Or maybe I should have just used his ‘Titanic pose’ shot?
7.) Kenneth Chenault, American Express Co., $51.7 million
Kenneth Chenault of American Express was almost another victim of his online image scarcity, until I found this one of him “tweaking some invisible nipples”. I believe the kids these days refer to it as “tuning in Tokyo”.
8.) Eugene Isenberg, Nabors Industries Ltd., $44.6 million
“Mean” Eugene Isenberg is a class act. As CEO of Nabors Industries, a natural gas and geothermal drilling contractor, he has led the company to financial success and earned himself one of the biggest paychecks of 2007. However, all of that pales in comparison to his well-known appearance as the chauvinistic mayor in Blazing Saddles. [Editor’s Note: Mel Brooks is awesome.]
9.) John Mack, Morgan Stanley, $41.7 million
John Mack is no stranger to controversy (See: The Pequot Scandal), but getting caught telling an Asian penis size joke to an Asian woman at a business dinner is just ridiculous! Come on, John, show some class.
10.) Glenn Murphy, Gap Inc., $39.1 million
Glenn Murphy, CEO of the Gap, is Goofy? No? Come on, he looks like he’s mid-‘Gosh hyuck!‘ in this photo! Ok, switching gears then. Despite Claire Danes going pants-less in one of the newest GAP commercials after Glenn became CEO last year, the boyfriend trouser is still the stupidest article of clothing anyone’s ever heard of. Now that’s embarrassing.