posted
05/17/12
Are you a regular gym-goer? Consider this required reading. And if you resemble any of the following uncool customers, consider the fact that the general population would prefer you just did sit-ups in your room. Or, you know, quit being one of them.
1. The Man in the Mirror
“I just can’t decide who’s more jacked—me, or my reflection?”
From the time he steps into the gym, his eyes don’t leave himself. It almost creeps you out how hard he is staring at his own reflection. Chances are this guy will be wearing a boy’s medium wife beater combined with his fake gold chain and spikey hair. And pretty much everyone wishes he’d get lost in a mirror maze.
2. The Cirque du Soleil-er
The really crazy thing is, his left hand is on a BOSU ball.
What happened to working out like a normal person? This person is not satisfied until he has incorporated every available Swiss ball and balance board into his workout while hanging upside down. I know there are new age training methods, but do you really have to do two cartwheels, jump over your buddy and then finish with a reverse lunge?
3. The Rack Hugger
This isn’t exactly what we are talking about. We just thought it was a funny photo.
This is the person who picks up the dumbbells and doesn’t step back from the weight rack, thus making it a tightrope walk for anyone else to use any of the other weights. And that only gets dicier when the rack hugger is an old man in a cut off shirt with abnormal shoulder hair.
4. The Grunter
“I may be strong, but SCREAMING MAKES ME STRONGER!!!”
He’s doing a standard workout and making sure the entire world knows about it. The noises can range from basic screaming, to actual ridiculous phrases such as, “Give it to me, baby!” “It’s Kobe time!’ or “I am the Strongest Man Alive!!!” (Heard any great grunter catchphrases lately? Leave ’em in the comments section below.)
5. The Training For the UFC Guy
“I’m gonna rear naked choke the crap out of you, Mister Imaginary Opponent.”
This is the guy who, after watching four seasons of The Ultimate Fighter, decided to make a run at getting his ass kicked professionally. Not only does he do ridiculous circuits throughout the entire gym, he continually shadow boxes after every set. Seriously, dude, do you really need to pollute the freakin’ YMCA with your delusion?
