Getting drunk might seem like the manliest way to stay warm at a football game, but in reality it’s not. There are much manlier and healthier ways to stay cozy that don’t lead to potential dehydration, vomiting and that really bad condition known as “idiot in the stands.” The manliest ways to stay warm don’t involve booze at all, but rather paying attention to your entire body and ensuring each section has its own cold-weather protection. These five strategies will keep you toasty and warm while looking manly and cool.
Body layers. Layers, layers and more layers are automatically one of the manliest ways to stay warm at a football game because no one has to see them underneath the rest of your tough and rugged outerwear. You can even start off your layering with a pair of silk long johns—for real—that are soft, silky and tops for retaining body heat. OK, silk is not so manly, but we bet some gals might find them kind of sexy. If you’re not up for silk, go with the traditional cotton long johns. Top your long johns with at least one long-sleeve shirt, a sweatshirt or sweater and finally your rugged jacket that makes you look like a manly football fan.
Hiking boots. Sneakers and cowboy boots will make your toes freeze while moon boots will just make you look like a freak. Instead opt for the manliest choice of hiking boots to stay warm, which can adjust easily for thick socks, foot liners and even foot warmers you place beneath your feet. One more manliest stay-warm tip is to stand on a newspaper—making sure the sports section is on top, of course—to create an insulated buffer between your feet and the cold-as-hell stadium concrete.
Gloves. Yes, mittens will keep your fingers warmer than gloves. But yes, mittens can transform even the manliest man into the dorkiest dork. Go for a thick pair of lined gloves, into which you insert insulated glove warmers, to keep you hand toasty in the manliest way. Another tip for hot hands is to stuff your pockets with those hand warmers sold at camping stores you can microwave before the game or even use a pair of oven-baked potatoes wrapped in foil. The potato idea came from a reader tip in an ESPN article, which also noted you can eat the potatoes as a snack later on in the game.
Head Gear. Forget the knitted caps with pompoms if you’re looking for the manliest way to stay warm at a football game. But you can go for a set of warm and wooly earmuffs. The trick to staying manly in earmuffs is to wear them under a scarf wrapped around your head and neck and then topped off with a rugged hat. Leather fur-lined hats can look very manly –as long as you don’t opt for one in pink.
Blanket. Before you cry about the un-manliness of a blanket, just hear us out. First off, one of your choices is a NASA space blanket using the same technology used in outer space. A space blanket at a football game is nearly as cool as a man on the moon. You can find space blankets at sporting good and camping stores, with a jazzy silver version as one of your options. A blanket also becomes one of the manliest ways to stay warm at a football game when you share it with one of the cheerleaders or another hot chick who looks freezing in the stands.