As you probably know, generating attraction is one of the most crucial parts of having success with women. It’s how you wedge your foot in the door and create a solid first impression, which makes all the difference between filling your phone with lovely ladies’ numbers and… not. What you may not know is, skillful flirting is as much about what you don’t do as what you do. With that in mind, here are five game-killers to avoid when chatting up the girls who’ve caught your eye.

1. Lacking Confidence

a lack of confidence turns women offIn the entire history of mankind, this facial expression has never led to good things.

Your confidence is the number one thing you’ve got going for you. That zitty hipster guy in the ugly vintage sweater with the hot girl? He wipes his butt with confidence. That’s why she’s buying him drinks. If you’re lacking in confidence, you can start by pretending to be confident, and eventually you will be. It’s called fake it ’till you make it. We know this sounds like some garbage out of The Secret, but we swear that it works. Practice taking the initiative with women and never ever, ever say anything about how you don’t think you’re doing it right. (Otherwise you’ll sound like a high school kid, and not in a cute Fast Times at Ridgemont High way either.) Just plow ahead, and even if she disagrees with some of your moves, she’ll respect you, which she needs to do in order to be attracted to you.

2. Lying

pinocchio figure made of woodContrary to popular belief, Pinocchio did not actually have a ton of game.

We’re not saying you can’t exaggerate, fudge the truth or even lay out a “creative” version of reality. After all, women pretty much expect us to do that. Outright bullcrap, though, is another matter entirely. While it might (might) get a girl back to your place for the night, you’d better never want to see her again. Actually, you’d better hope you never even run into her again, because there’s no way you’re going to remember that whole original drunken spiel the second time around. She probably will, though. You know how chicks are. If she calls you out as a liar, congrats, you’ve just created a cock block for life.

3. Telling Sketchy Stories

three guys with a dancer at a bachelor partyIs it just us, or do the pantyhose kinda ruin it?

The time you stole a statue from the front of a church might be a really cool story, honestly. We’re sure your friends will get a huge kick out of it. However, the women you are seeking to win over at the bar probably won’t. Save the stories about tearing it up on your friend’s bachelor party or the time you cheated on your last girlfriend for the locker room. Women like men of integrity and good character. The ones who don’t aren’t ones you want to be dating in the first place.

4. Talking About Your Ex

derek jeter in yankee uniform with arm around minka kellyWe’re not sure you need our advice, Derek, but don’t mention Minka to the new girls.

Never, ever, under any circumstances, discuss your ex. Never bring her up, and if the girl asks, give the least amount of information possible. You might as well talk about how your new Valtrex prescription is doing a bang-up job on your herpes sores. She does not want to know that your ex exists, period. If, for whatever reason, you find yourself incapable of restraining yourself, say positive, unemotional things about her. But seriously, avoid this subject like Justin Bieber avoids puberty.

5. Hanging On Her

man clings to a lingerie lady on a postProbably not gonna call him back. Mostly because she doesn’t appear to have hands.

They call it “game” for a reason: it’s supposed to be fun. When you’re flirting with a girl, you’re being playful, not shopping for furniture together. Flirt a bit and when the conversation reaches a natural conclusion, bounce and find something else to do. Don’t worry, pal, she knows that you’re there, and she’ll make her way back to you if she wants more. This works especially well, because if she finds you later on, you know she’s DTF (down to flirt). And if she’s playing hard to get, don’t sweat it! Have a drink or two and find her again, but definitely don’t spend the entire night gripping her arm like you’re afraid she’s going to run off with someone else. It’s pretty much the best way to ensure that she will.


Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.